A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been seeing a woman for over four years and have had what I thought was a great relationship. We have recently been talking about marriage. However, last week after sex she told me that she absolutely hates the fact that I ejaculate inside her and she feels that I should stop doing it and pull out when I am about to and put it in a towel. I told her that for me to pull out at that point would ruin the moment. She told me that she didn't care that she didn't want that nasty, stinky, smelly crap in her and that she hates the fact that later it drips out. Maybe I am being unreasonable but I am hurt by this. I try to be a very attentive lover and other than rare quickies I always make certain she reaches an orgasm at least twice. Sometimes that isn't so easy but I always felt that if you want a woman to want more and you want her to please you then you have to make sure she is totally satisfied. I realize cleaning up after sex can be a chore but shouldn't that be a small price to pay for all that pleasure. Sometimes I feel she is just being selfish, but on the other hand maybe if that is how she really feels maybe we aren't as compatible as I thought. Now that she has told me how much she hates my ejaculating inside her I can't get it out of my mind and wonder what other things bother her that she hasn't told me. After all, it took her four years for her to drop this bomshell. We have talked about this several times since but it always ends with her saying, fine if you feel you have to then do it but if you do you have to know I hate it. With that in mind I have a hard time feeling like sex with her can ever be the same. I am curious if you think I am making too much of this. To me it was like hitting me over the head with a bat. I have never had a woman tell me anything like this before and actully I always thought that after a woman reached her orgasm once or twice and then we came together it was the way it should be. How can that ever happen if I have to pull out just prior to ejaculation. I certainly hope you can help me make some sense of this.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2010): I know this is an OLD post - but I just have to say it. My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years and he has NEVER come inside of me! I have gotten very sad and despondent that he cannot get excited enough to share himself with me in this way that I'm afraid I will either have to take another lover or break up with him completely. How can a guy not know that this is what at least 98.5% of women want, even if it has to be with a condom? If he does it now just to "appease" me, I'm afraid it will only be sadder.
I hope you are well and have made a positive choice for yourself. An unhappy marriage, or sex life, is extremely lonely.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2008): She has serious problems and youneed to divest yourself of her and them immediately.Put your efforts into finding someone who will love you unconditionally. Her remarks to you constitute verbal abuse and show distain. Tell her she needs to see a therapist and be grateful you found this out before you married the monster.
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reader, Suzie27  +, writes (8 March 2008):
I can tell from the way you worded your question you are a very sensitive man and hopelessly in love. Most men get so angry and their egos make them do stupid things but you seem to be thinking that maybe she could be right and you could be wrong. Sweetheart you are not wrong she should have told you how she felt in the beginning of the relationship. I'm guessing you would have packed your bags then and you wouldn't be hurting so much now. Everybody has their hang ups I am sure you have yours but to wait four years to spring this on you is just not right. God I would feel terrible if my husband were to pull away just as I am about to have an orgasm and I know I make a big mess he has a mustache and a beard and I get very wet and it gets all over his face but he deals with it and I love him for it. You know her better than anybody and you will have to figure it out for youself if she is cheating or just wants out of the relationship. I wouldn't believe she felt this way all the time something has changed. She brought this up because she is ready to end it all and doesn't care if you leave her and doesn't care how much she hurts you. If its over and it looks like it is who cares if she is cheating and if she is cheating she has probably been doing it for a long time. I think she was so mean to you because she probably hates herself for what she is doing and what she has done to you. I know that sounds strange but we women are complicated.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2008): You probably dont realize but this girl dont respect you as much as you seem to respect her. She didn't just change like this. She messed with your head for a reason. She's mad at you for something and she wants to hurt you bad. Looks like you really love her but she don't feel that way hell no. Maybe she's just immature or ignorant but I think she's just mean and wants out and being childish on how she's doing it. She should have just come out and told you it's over she didnt need to make you feel bad. I think she's trying to piss you off so you dump her. Any way you look at she's got one mean spirit in her and she ain't thinking about no future with you. Ain't no rewind here brother move on.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2008): If she cared about you or your feelings she wouldn't be like that. Only a fool would say what she said, nobody can be that stupid. It was said to tear you apart and ruin your confidence. You need to move on.
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (8 March 2008):
 She does not love you as much as before.
When she does not love you any more, these women would simply say anything they wanted.
It can be frivolous but she won't care if it hurt your feelings or not.
Everything you do will be scorned or ridiculed.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2008): I think she that could've worded it better.
I agree with another poster on here. Something may have happened to turn her off to it. Idk.
Or is she trying to get you back for something that you did? Sometimes I say mean things to my bf if I am trying to get him back for something he said/did to me, even if the mean things that I'm saying are true.
Try to respect her wishes, but at the same time, also try to get her to open up more, and to word things better.
Maybe you should tell her that you don't want to have sex with her, because her vagina is nasty and smells like fish. See what her reaction to that is. If she acts offended, start talking to her about how she needs to word things better. Usually people word things in more intense ways when they have been holding them in for so long.
You have my condolensces.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2008): Man you can believe whatever you want but if you stay with that bitch you WILL be sorry. There aint no way she gives a damn about you or your feelings. What the hell are you thinking man. You know its about scent she don't want the other guys picking up your scent when they go downtown dude. shes evil deep evil and she dont care about you one bit. dont know whats going on in your world but she only staying with you for somthing and it aint love think what she after cause it aint you or whats in your pants for sure.
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reader, CupidFan +, writes (8 March 2008):
I feel bad that so many people are saying such bad things about the woman you seem to love so much. After all nobody here knows her so how could they make statements like this. She may have her reasons and maybe they are innocent. It is easy to see that she has hurt you badly and as a man you might not want to admit it but you sure do seem damaged. I am at a total loss as to why she would be so cold and say it like she did. You seem to write well so I am guessing you both are fairly intelligent so she had to know what she was saying was mean and cruel and would hurt you. As far as cleaning up afterwards yes it is a little messy but as a woman to me it is worth it so I agree with you on that point. Yes we complain about it but only jokingly. Most of us complain we aren't getting enough attention. Her actions to me are not logical at all but I wouldn't go so far as to accuse her of cheating like some people have said. I know you are hurting and your pain seems so obvious but I have to say that I think there is something going on in her mind or life and it doesn't include you. From your posting it looks like you are trying to find a way to make this all seem normal but it really isn't. You seem to be so much in love with her and it is so cute and adorable but I don't think she feels the same about you and maybe this is her way of telling you. Sorry honey but it does look like you two are done.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2008): Dude dump her theres no way i would let any woman talk to me like that. Maybe I sound like a ass but she has to be one mean b----- to tell you that. You sound like a decent guy and it sounds like you really love her so i am sorry if i am making you feel worse but you cant really believe your the only one tapping it if she told you that she just trying to keep it fresh as she can for the next guy. you didnt say if she been missing but im gonna guess she has and you been to dumb in love to figure it out or believin the bs storys. Get real dude your being played.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2008): You sound like a really nice person and I am sorry to have to tell you this sweetie but I did the same thing once. I did it because I was seeing other guys on the side and you can probably guess the rest. The other guys didn't care that I made them use a rubber hell they were just happy to get some. It was the worst thing I ever did. I still don't know why I was so dumb and yes I did get caught. The sex with my boyfriend was awesome but I went through a stupid time in my life and made a way to many mistakes. I lost my boyfriend and he adored me and everyday I hate myself for what I did. One of the losers that I saw took the rubber off and I didn't know it til he was done and sure as hell I wound up with a STD to remember him by for the rest of my life. Some men can be such jerks but i'm nobody to talk. Sweetie you got a cheater and your going to get hurt if you stay with her.
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reader, korculan queen  +, writes (7 March 2008):
You can use a condom instead of a towel. I used to hate it when my abusive ex husband came inside me because I felt raped every time by him towards the end of the marriage but now I am in a happy healthy stable relationship and I love it. So maybe her feelings of rejecting you are her unconscious way of saying she does not love you any more or she may be having lesbian tendencies or she may be cheating. Three possibilities although I would say the first and the last maybe what is going on for her. You sound like a guy most women dream about and I have a man just like you in that he makes it his obligation to please me. MMMMMMM and in return I make doubly sure he is pleased. win win situation. I wonder does she give you a blowjob? I am sensing she does not love you and mate I would hate to see a real man like you change and become less of a man due to her hangups. Mate there are plenty of women out there who are dreaming right now of finding a man like you. The ball is in your court but I would get out before she wrecks your confidence and just wait and see if she comes on to you. Do not initiate for a while and see how long it takes her to want something. This will be the best indication of whether she is getting it somewhere else. Good luck mate and honestly there is a horny woman out there somewhere waiting for you.
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reader, NextHowardStern +, writes (7 March 2008):
Yooooo......are you making too much of this??? I THINK NOT. If you love this girl, which it sounds like you do, then all should be ok. If she is able to cum all over you, then why can you not cum all over her?? I think thats a bit screwed, and I think that if that is how she wants it, then you should move on. Put it in a towel....lmao, cum on! How cold blooded is that?? You tell her your going to put the relationship in a towel, its been fun, and get out.
Good luck on that one. And, better you than me I think.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2008): I think everyone seems to forget that the girl has a right to be comfortable too. Sex is not a one way street
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reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (7 March 2008):
 Wow, what a bombshell! You have every reason to be hurt and disoriented by this one. I don't really know what to offer you except some thoughts off the top of my head.
You sound like a very considerate lover and she should be very happy with someone who puts her desires first on the list.
Did she really say 'nasty, stinky, smelly crap'? That's a big problem if she's been thinking that all these years. I have to admit, the discharge that follows after sex isn't the most wonderful thing in the world, but it's certainly not something that can't be dealt with easily. Of course it's a small price to pay, a very very small price to pay for a mutually satisfying sex life!
There is definitely something wrong here; you need to get some answers and I don't blame you for being shocked and upset.
Again, sorry for the disjointed reply but I'm just thinking things and writing them down as I do.
She has some issues that need to be dealt with, and maybe if you're serious about having a long term relationship with her, you're going to need to see a sex therapist.
You are most certainly entitled to your feelings and I hope that you'll be able to get some help in dealing with the issues that have been brought up by this.
All the best.
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reader, deejuliet +, writes (7 March 2008):
 Personally I find this very strange. I find that when a guy pulls out at the last minute I feel very dissatisfied with the experience. My ex husband used to do this all the time and I didnt like it at all. Yes, cum is a bit messy, but to say you hate your mate to cum inside you really is strange to me! Also to keep it inside for 4 years and just bring it up now that marriage is on the table is even more odd. Does she want children? If so, how does she think she is going to get any if you arent allowed to cum inside her? Bizzare! I have to say that I really dont agree much with Jmo that you should agree to this and cum on her, or next to her or whatever. I do think this is a big deal. If I were you, I would feel it was a personal rejection. Love me, love my sperm, I guess. Anyway, I do have a potential compromise. I think you should use condoms. That way you dont have to pull out and she isnt left with a gooey mess inside her as it is all contained in the condom to be neatly tossed away. Hope that helps!
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reader, hello1  +, writes (7 March 2008):
 I find it very strange its taken her four years for her to tell you. Something must have happened to make her get turned off by it. Talk too her, I think there's something deeper here and this is NO reason to end a relationship over. If you really love her, you need to get to the bottom of it. I don't buy she disliked it for four years and didn't have the guts to tell you, something happened.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2008): I certainly think there's something unusual about this. I've never met a woman who has said anything like this. Like Frank says - Red Flag!
How do you make a woman moan? - wipe it on the curtains.
I think I'd give this one a miss and I certainly wouldn't have marriage on the agenda any more. If you marry her she'll be telling you that sex once every 8 months is plenty enough and you'd better get used to it because that's all you'll be getting!
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reader, Jmo +, writes (7 March 2008):
 Damn that kinda sucks. It sounds like you're both in the wrong to a certain extent. She should not have waited four years to tell you that it bothers her. That's a red flag right there. You have every right to wonder what else she's been holding her tongue about and possibly resenting you for. However I think you're being slightly insensitive. Some women love being nut in or on or whatever but some feel uncomfortable. Think about how it must feel to have just had mind blowing sex only to having to sit there post orgasm being preoccupied with the foreign ooze you can feel inside of you. Kinda kills the romance. First of all you two need to have a candid conversation with each other without making one another becoming defensive. Then, maybe you two could reach a compromise. If it ruins the moment to have to pull out and take care of your spew in a manner akin to how one treats medical waste, try something else. If she's on top, maybe you could give a gentle nudge or cue to signify that you are about to come and she could get off of you. If you're on top, maybe you could nut beside her but still stay in contact. Or right before you get the feeling you're about to come you could pull out and she can jack you off the rest of the way. Maybe it's not your semen she's opposed to (and hell, girls have fluids too after all and you're obviously not opposed to them) but the feeling of having it inside her and she wouldn't be as pissed if you nut on her. There's a million things I could think of where you could come to a mutually beneficial agreement, but this is between you and her so you need to to talk about it and both be willing to compromise. Be creative and remember, sex is supposed to be fun. Hope this helps, i wish you two the best and I'm sorry if I sound like an asshole.
-Jmo
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2008): I agree with the other poster, WTF?
If she said it earlier, then she might just have issues, but after four years?
Although it could be that earlier you used a condom so it didn't really go inside of her?
MAYBE she was forcing herself before but her issues are now surfacing perhaps in part because you are getting more serious?
Sex is rarely normal, but sperm going inside the vagina is one of the few normal ones, that is after all what it is all about, pulling out at the last moment is not "normal".
One my earliest mistakes was acting like a pornstar, pull out and jack of on her stomach. Not a good move I can tell you.
(How can you tell a porn star at the gas-station? Just as the fuel is about to leave the nuzzle he janks it out and sprays it all over the windshield)
Does she want childeren when you are married?
Talk it over wether she REALLY wants to be with you, if this is NOT her way of getting out of it, then get her head examined, because she has something wrong with her.
How does she deal with blowjobs?
Mind you I can understand some of the reasoning, it is not exactly part of romance novels that this guys snot sticks around in your body for a week but it is part of nature. You might as well get upset you swallow your partners spit when kissing or lick their sweat and dead skin. Don't even THINK about what you are doing when performing cunninglus or how close it is to her ass.
Sex is dirty, but only if you do it right :P
In all seriousness, you have to sort this out because something is very very wrong. This isn't like a girl who doesn't want cum inside her mouth.
Perhaps you should simply get her to read up on sex and learn that this is the norm, that sex is messy, if she ain't experienced she might simply not have realised that it leaks out happens to ALL women.
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reader, Frank B Kermit +, writes (7 March 2008):
 You are not making too much of this. This has been bugging her for four years and only NOW she tells you while you talk about MARRIAGE?
Red Flag.
She does not want to be married to you and is trying to give you an excuse to break up with her. It has NOTHING to do with your ejaculation. She is just looking for an out, but does not want to be the grown up and break it off with you herself.
Sorry dude, but I really think that is the underlying issue going on. It has nothing to you with your sexuality or performance.
-Frank B Kermit
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