A
male
age
41-50,
*ermyt
writes:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-left-my-wife-for-her-and-now.htmlthis is my previous post....now to update a little...i have received 3 phone calls this week from ELF and she has finally told me her reasons for ending it: She didnt want to disappoint her parents. She felt that dating a older man with child would upset them.We both knew this would be a problem but why wont she even try. I done my bit and left home for her and now it is her turn she in unwilling to do the next step.I feel like the last 2 years have been wasted as she is now unwilling to talk to her parents. I put her first but she wont even try to do the same.We discussed the eventualities of me leaving and then talking to her parents on many ocassions over the 2 years so its not like its nothing new.Surely at first her parents would be disgruntled but in time by allowing their daughter to make her own choices they would respect her more especially as she stood up on her own 2 feet.I havent called her this week she is the one that has phoned me 3 times.Stuck now and at a loss as what to do next.I have now resigned from my current job as i only took it 2 years ago to be closer to her.Any help/advice would be great.Many thanks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2011): Well OP i guess u never imagined this nightmare unfolding.
To loose respect/professional courtesy in the workplace is professional suicide really.
Well i am glad your kid is happy and seems like her mother is going to start living the rest of her life as well. I think your wife is going to make her life work for her- no cheating hb, no lies, no half truths. She must be in her element!
LoveGirl
A
male
reader, Kermyt +, writes (20 July 2011):
Kermyt is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust a little update... ELF has phoned me a few times in the last couple of weeks to tell me that her life is now a mess, she also adds that her mum is really depressed by the whole situation (confused how and why she mentioned her mum). I'm sort of thinking, your a mess?? imagine how my life has been since you decided you didn't want me after giving up my life for you.I have started my new job and am kinda enjoying it, i get to see my little girl more often now then ever which is fantastic. When she see's me and runs up to give me a kiss, nothing can beat that. Da-da!! =)But i do still miss ELF heaps. I have reason to believe she is telling all her work colleagues her 'version' of the story so she doesn't come out bad. I know people that work there. So now i'm being made to be the bad guy whilst she can swan around like butter wouldn't melt.My relationship with my daughters mum is also good (non-sexually just friends).Ooh life and its complications.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (3 July 2011):
 Very good, now is the time to focus on your little girl, your new job, and yourself. Leave the mistakes in the past and look to your future. Strive to make yourself into the man both you, and more importantly your daughter, can be proud of.
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A
male
reader, Kermyt +, writes (2 July 2011):
Kermyt is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSorry,I didn't make myself very clear. I have resigned from my current job but i have a new one which is closer to my daughter enabling me to see her a lot more.I will be leaving my current position in 2 weeks.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2011): She wised up and realized you are an ass who left his obligations to fuck a younger woman.She got her ego boost, and realized in 17 years, she'd be as old as your wife and there would be someone younger than her.Then she'd be the patsy who was left holding a child by the hand wondering where her husband was.Get some counseling help, you are blaming a 19 year old KID for your actions as a husband and father.Really. Really! Really!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2011): Sorry got no sympathy for you, you are both to blame for splitting your family up no just her!! You need to take responsibility for your actions, why did you quit your job when you have a child to provide for....so as you have always done, when quitting your job you only thought of yourself just as when you cheated on your wife with this woman you only ever thought of yourself. At what point did you think of your child in all this? And you have quit your job so you are now not providing for your wife and child. Disgusting!! Your really need to sort yourself out and work out where your priorities lie....they certainly shouldn't be with this woman you cheated with, forget her, concentrate now on getting your job back, providing for your child and having a relationship with your child, that is what is important now. You have caused enough damage, do not make it any worse then it already is!!
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (1 July 2011):
 She has decided that you are not a good option for her life.
I dont know if Cupid put the title there, but SHE did not tear your family apart. You made that foolish choice and it blew up in your face.
You should go get your job back and work on the stability of your life.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2011): I find it hard to have sympathy for you. I did when you originally posted but not this time. Simply because resigning from your job is very irresponcable and now there's a risk your child will go without.
Your poor wife that's who I feel for in all this!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (1 July 2011):
 why would you resign from your job? I'd not do that. I hope you can get it back...
as for her dragging her feet...clearly she was with you in the beginning because you were "safe" you were married... there was no threat that you would be available as a full time partner... then you actually left your spouse for her and now she does not know what to do.... she may have wanted the illusion of having a real relationship without the actuality of it... a married man provides that.
to be honest you can't assume her parents will forgive over time, my father would never forgive me for doing what this young woman has done... I would have been disowned and cut off from my family forever....at least emotionally....
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (1 July 2011):
Yeah she has good reason to be dragging her feet about telling her parents about all this. I mean how to you put a good spin on it? "Hi Mom and Dad, Just thought I'd let you know that I have been screwing around with an older married guy with a kid and now he's left his family to be with me." Trust me your sullied relationship is not going to be the kind of news any parent wants to hear. She apparently isn't sure you are worth risking her parents' disapproval. You can wait her out and see if she decides you ARE worth the risk, or you can get busy with your life. What are you doing for income if you quit your job? Your child needs to be provided for.
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A
female
reader, amazingk +, writes (1 July 2011):
 She's giving you excuses, just like anybody does when they truly DO NOT want to be with a person. If she truly wanted you, nothing would keep her from you, not even her parents. Kids rebelling against their parents in the name of love is never an issue when the kid's actually in love. It's only an issue when a person's trying to look for a "noble" reason to back out of a relationship.
I'm sorry you risked it all and lost. Lesson learned, but the person you left wasn't "the one", either, or this whole situation wouldn't have came about. Mr./Mrs. Right is still out there for all of you guys, and all of you guys still have the opportunity to find them.
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A
female
reader, sammy1986 +, writes (1 July 2011):
i wouldnt of resigned from your job personally all i can say is ring her arrange to meet up and have a really good talk talk things through tell each other exactly how you feel good luck
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