A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:i know this sounds really petty but here goesI hang around with a large group of girls. We are in our mid-20's. I would say that I am probably one of the shyest of the group but we all have a laugh and get on. Over the past year a new "friend" has joined the group. Shes pretty, outgoing and loud and she is very popular among our group of friends. Only now she has started to annoy me. I am probably the only one in the group who hasnt bonded with her and I think this is because Im shy and she isnt. Anyway, Ive noticed that lately everything is all about her, her parties, her nights out, her holidays etc. And everyone is invited and Im usually left out. I dont know whether Im left out on purpose but I make out it doesnt bother me. She doesnt really make an effort to speak to me much and I dont see why I should have to make the effort to be friends with her. It just annoys me that she has just come in to the group and taken over. I watch my friends and its like they are sucking up to her more than actually being friends with her. I feel like Im lucky to have these friends cos when I was at school I didnt have any and I was bullied. But sometimes I wish I could find other friends who wont ignore me or "forget" about me. I dont know what to do. I feel so alone, like I dont have any friends anymore.
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female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (22 February 2009):
I'm going to be a bit harsh here.
What do you want us to say? That it is all her fault and if you have a quiet word then they'll dump her and flood round to see you? That new friends will fall into your lap and love you dearly and you'll never have this problem again?
You have to make EFFORT. Nothing is more annoying than putting effort in to see someone and organise things and they show NO SIGN of being bothered about you enough to do the same.
Organise a girls night out, invite people round to yours for a night in with some wine. be more active in talking about where you will all go on holiday and offer to get brochures from the travel agent. You can't just expect that people will always do all the work for you to provide you with a social life.
You say this girl has not made effort to bond with you. How did you make yourself approachable?
Try sending a few more texts and making a few more phonecalls.
Also go and join some clubs or groups of some things that interest you. Meet new people and expand your social circle.
You are an adult now, not a frightened little school girl, so remember that and get out there. There is a world waiting for you.
Good Luck!! xx
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