A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I think my girlfriend might be cheating on me. I can't get it out of my head, and I feel completely paranoid about it and am afraid I'm behaving like one of those obsessed boyfriends.I don't think my suspicions are completely unfounded though. I happened to be outside of our apartment when she got home from work, and a guy I don't know was walking with her (we live in the same building, different apartments). I asked her about it and she said it was her roommates friend that she ran into. Before this I had my suspicions, just small subtle things.Also she has been distant lately, and not as affectionate. When we first started dating she kind of annoyed me a little bit, because she wanted to always be around. It was a little much, but I got used to it and actually can't be around her enough now. Although we used to be together 24/7 she doesn't want to be around nearly as much all of a sudden, which is actually okay and I realize healthier but because of the lack of trust now its painful to wonder what shes up to.I've talked to her about this several times, she reassures me and I drop it. The last time she broke down and cried claiming shes hasn't done anything to deserve these accusations and maybe shes right. So I promised not to bring it up anymore. What can I do? Shes reassured me over and over, and there is actually a very good chance I'm just being paranoid despite my biased telling of the situation.
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female
reader, Tigerlily +, writes (12 February 2010):
soon103 whatever are you on about? your reply is a bit extreme and you are jumping to an awful lot of conclusions that I don't see any foundation for based on what the poster has said.
Poster, clearly something has changed or shifted in your relationship and you seem to be picking up on that, but not knowing what it is has made you feel insecure and paranoid, so since nature hates a vacuum you are casting around to find an answer. There is one key piece of information missing which is how long you two have been together. What is happening may just be a natural shift, or your intuition may be accurately picking up on some sort of problem.
In my experience, new couples are all hot an heavy and can't get enough of each other, want to be together 24/7 for about the first 6-8 months, and then things (hormones, etc) settle down, and people begin to want a bit more space and to see other friends again etc. Its natural and doesn't necessarily mean anything is wrong.
However, intuition is also a very powerful thing and they say that when there is smoke, often there is fire. it could be that your girl is distant for an innocent reason such as she's just re-evaluating things and wondering what her options are... or she could be cheating. I think though that you need a bit more evidence before you jump to that serious of a conclusion.
In either case, fear and insecurity don't build healthy relationships. Stop focusing on what you are scared of. Focus on what you value and appreciate with your girl and try to build happy moments that bond you both.
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