A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have a girlfriend i am 66 years old and she is 46 years old we have been together 4 years but this last 6 months she has went off sex she says she do not care she has sex or not i am getting worried maybe she is seeing someone elese she spends weekends with me in my home and we go out for a few drinks now and again pleasse can you give me a anwer to this as worried i might lose her what should i do Reply to this Question
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female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (2 November 2017):
 All advice given to you so far is true and i would like to add a bit more for you to think about.
You say you've been with your gf for 4 years and that she spends weekends with you at your house.
I don't mean to sound rude, however, at your age, why is it that you've not made a more concrete commitment to your gf?
Have you been married before and are you afraid of re-committing fully?
I know my questions are quite intrusive, however, it's important to establish why your gf isn't interested in sex with you anymore.
It sounds as though you've strung her along, for all these years to basically satisfy your sexual urges.
She has obviously stuck around, because she has been hoping for more, or maybe her self-esteem and her self-confidence is so low, that she'll put up with almost anything, because she doesn't know her own self worth.
I can almost guarantee that your gf is very upset, very hurt about something and feeling a disinterest in you, because you are not fulfilling all her womanly needs.
Women, in general, are great at hiding the truth and at keeping secrets, especially from men!
She is getting older and she may want to get engaged, married and if she's never had a baby before, she may like to try for one.
To those that mention perimenopause and menopause, yes it's possible, but it's also very possible to still have regular menstrual cycles at 46 and to even fall pregnant and yes, naturally!
Not every single 46 year old on earth requires IVF or donor eggs and besides global stats on such topics, the stats are always inaccurate and skewed.
Stats are very often subjective.
My Maternal Grandmother fell pregnant naturally with my Mother when she was in her mid 40s and back then, there was no IVF!
Stress and toxins are the biggest factors against women, especially older women falling pregnant and may i add, for most women, full menopause doesn't usually present itself until she is in her early 50s and for many women, even later.
I would encourage you to pay more attention to your gf's emotional needs, rather than just worrying about when you're next going to have sex with her, or why she isn't wanting to have sex with you.
Try talking to her about her worries and perhaps you could take your relationship to the next level and discuss moving in together.
You're both of mature age, so you ought act accordingly.
Try treating her like a real woman and not just the part-time sex object that comes and goes.
Buy her something special every now and then, compliment her, kiss her on her cheeks and not just on her lips, hug her and don't just touch her sexually, talk to her.
Giver her a gentle neck and shoulder massage, tell her she smells nice, looks nice and is a great person.
Tell her that you simply enjoy her company, because she makes you feel added joy and brings a lot into your relationship.
You must make her feel special, but then again, if you want to save this relationship, you must also mean what you say, because we women are pretty clever at picking up on cheap talk.
Remember, words are cheap.
Don't just talk the talk, but walk the walk.
Now this is the most important piece of advice.
Ask her, what do you want out of this relationship?
Listen to her reply, then you can add your thoughts/desires too.
Best of luck and let us know how you get on.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (14 October 2017):
 Generally, women need to feel loved to want sex, whereas men need sex to feel loved. A drop in sex drive on the part of the female can be a symptom that the relationship as a whole is not providing her with what she needs/wants.
Do you make your girlfriend feel loved when you are together? Are you affectionate towards her? Do you tell her you have missed her? Do you buy her little gifts which show you were thinking of her? (These don't have to cost much at all. Sometimes a £1 packet of her favourite sweets/biscuits can mean more than an expensive present because the gift is personal.) Do you have good personal hygiene? Do you keep your home tidy and clean, or do you expect her to clean up when she comes round?
Is it possible she is going through the menopause? Trust me, the numerous symptoms women can get during that time can kill sex drive completely.
I doubt she is seeing someone else if she is spending every week-end at your house. Much more likely there is another problem. Ask her what you can do to make her happier. Don't focus on the sex. Make her happier and the sex may follow.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (13 October 2017):
 Has it occurred to you that she may be going through the menopause which effects her libido? It is sad at your age that you associate no sex with she must be getting it somewhere else. Where is your trust in her? If you think that just because she is not in the mood then do you really trust her? Surely if you have been together for four years you must know her better than this? Talk to her, ask her why the change? Be a better partner and stop worrying about sex. Communicate better, trust her more and then maybe she will open up to you and tell you how she is feeling.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2017): It is sad that you measure affection and love only by the availability of sex. I guess if that's what your relationship was built upon; it might die by it as well.
Have you bothered to ask if she's suffering from a medical condition, or having discomfort during sex?
Are you both good to each other? Are you affectionate, and do you share life as partners? Meaning you support each other through good-times and bad-times. Is she a perpetual girlfriend, or are you in a relationship that isn't progressing to a higher-level? She will just shut-down, or go find it elsewhere. A woman her age doesn't want a prolonged casual-relationship. She wants more. Something serious and committed. Ask her if you dare!
You had better have a deep heartfelt-discussion; or you just may be right! You may be losing her.
I have to be bluntly honest with you. If the viability of your relationship is based on getting sex; I guess she might leave you looking for all the other things she needs that you fail to provide.
Generally, women do like to be told they are lovely, they need support when they struggle through an emotional-crisis; and they need spontaneous acts of kindness and affection.
If you only know how to keep her happy in the bedroom; she can get that from just about any man. You don't even have to love him; if his only purpose in your life is to satisfy your carnal needs. The goodies dry-up when there's nothing to reward the giver; to make her feel appreciated for more than spreading her legs.
Sir, you're 66 years old. How much longer do you think you're going to maintain a high sex-drive? Oh, I know there's a lot of older-men who try to give the impression they're as passionate as they were in their younger-years. Well, as you age, your testosterone-level dropped starting from your 30's. Your drive is no where near what it used to be. I don't care how much you may argue otherwise. I know better. Now comes a new phase in the relationship to challenge the durability and sincerity of your emotional-investment. They know how to get attention. It's part of a female's many natural talents.
Just as men lose interest in sex for women as their bodies age and change; so do women lose attraction to his body-changes and declining ability to maintain his erection and ability to bring her completely to orgasm.
Sometimes they don't like your love-making technique; if it never changes, it is monotonous and predictable; and outside the bedroom, you show her no affection. Like hand-holding, hugs and caresses, foreplay before sex, or kissing. Kisses when you arrive, and when you leave. They also like an arm around the waste, flowers for no reason, and to be listened to. They don't like watching you stare-down younger-women, or sneaking to watch porn behind their backs.
As I know, we guys as we get older; get caught in routine and habit. Affection tends to fade, and getting-off and going to sleep becomes the objective of sex; with less attention to the needs of your partner. That takes effort, endurance, and consistency. If you don't do these things, your sex-life dies.
A woman beginning or completing menopause goes through hormonal-changes that may lower her libido. Your lack of caring for all her most essential needs, will make her even less eager to even fake through sex. Not to mention vaginal-dryness or lowered sex-drive; making sex painful or just annoying.
Most men are not as good in their love-making technique as they think they are. You're not in her head; so you don't know what she's thinking. She can fake arousal and orgasm. Even worse, she could hate it for years; and never say a word! Accept to her closest-friend, or the man on the side!
Not saying she's cheating, just making a point here!
Have a talk and find-out if there are medical reasons that she would be willing to see her doctor to address; or be direct, to determine if you have been deficient in satisfying all her needs aside from sex.
When women don't want sex anymore, it is either for a medical reason; or you have a severe problem in the quality of the relationship.
Oh, and they do lose sexual-attraction for a body that is poorly maintained, bad hygiene, and sloppy-technique during love-making. That is way up there at the top of the list! Being a man who doesn't show affection or doesn't make a woman feel good about being his partner; she gets tired of pretending she's okay. The tire of trying to get things through a thick macho-skull!
If you've got ears that are deaf to her verbalizing her feelings; and eyes that can't read the signs of an unhappy woman. You will miss all the warning-signs. You are noticing she's off sex. There are many reasons why. Chances are, she has tried to tell you all along.
She will give-up on the relationship; and all the benefits you've taken for granted will dry-up. They usually try to warn you before it happens; but men are very bad about listening to women trying to tell him what's wrong with the relationship. They usually get your attention when there's no more sex.
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