A
male
age
41-50,
*cottpower
writes:Hi ,I am really in a mess. About a month ago I suspected my girlfriend of two years was cheating on me. I was right and she admitted everything to me 7 days ago. She has been seeing a work colleague and says she is falling in love with him . She says she is so confused as she loves both of us and doesn't know what to do . So she moved out a week ago and said she needed space from both of us. I have accepted that there were problems in our relationship and offered to make up and try to make it work. I really do love the girl even after she did this. So we decided to give her time to have space. The shock and destruction of the affair has left its toll on me. Now because trust is an issue... it never was before... I am worrying that on our break , she is seeing him still . What should I do ?
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female
reader, Jen1689  +, writes (7 October 2010):
 You honestly shouldn't give her any more time and should just forget about her. I know it's not what you want to hear, but it's what you need to hear. I did the same thing to my ex, only there wasn't another guy in the picture. I just wanted to worry about myself for a while and not worry about him. So I told him we were taking a break. The worst part: we were living together. This "break" lasted for three months until I did meet someone who I became infatuated with. During this time my ex was miserable and depressed and cried to me occasionally. I finally got the strength to tell my ex to move out. I realized that the reason for my break wasn't to figure out my feelings, it was to figure out how to get out of where I was. I found it, and that was that. The guy I met never became anything more than a silly crush that led me to finding the one guy I could never question my feelings for. He's now my fiance. Please do yourself a favor and end things with her for good. She doesn't love you. If she did, she wouldn't be hurting you like this. Trust me.
A
male
reader, scottpower +, writes (7 October 2010):
scottpower is verified as being by the original poster of the question
So she told me she needed seven days . Now she has said that seven days isn't enough and needs more time. The problem is I just want to know the truth so either way my life can continue. How much more time should I give her without been too pushy?
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A
female
reader, Jen1689 +, writes (6 October 2010):
If she needs space, break up with her. This woman CHEATED on you. She didn't just ask for space and then meet another guy, she "fell in love" with him and is now unsure of her feelings. Bullshit. She's just thinking of the best way to let you down easily. Taking a break and then breaking up is much easier to do than breaking up with you completely for some other guy. She's not worth it. Especially if she's claiming that she's in love with someone else. If a girl has to take time apart from you to recognize her feelings, she's not wanting you back, believe me.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2010): Brother I know it hurts but try to think rationally. She is not good long term gf or wife material. Even if she does come back to you there is a very good chance she will do it again and again and you will never be able to trust her. She will make your life a misery. Take a deep breath and move on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2010): Leave her to sort it and out keep away from her until she has an answer. Anything else would be futile at the moment. If she comes back to you, then the two of you can start to work on the trust issue, but until then nothing can be done.
Try to find something to occupy your mind and time so you don't dwell on it, as dwelling can make it worse.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2010):
Ok thanks,
I will let you know how it goes .
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (6 October 2010):
 There isn't much you can do. She wanted to have her space to think, to be by herself and figure out what she really wants and if she is indeed seeing him again, then I think the answer is clear. But if you really want this relationship to work, I am afraid that you have to place trust and faith into her again and trust that she will not make the same mistake again. If she does not betray your trust, there is hope for you two.
I hope that helps.
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