A
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age
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*arpman007
writes:[Mod Note: The OP's 2 questions have been merged into one.]Hi, I have been with my girlfriend for 3 years and sex was outstanding now she has gone right off sex and being affectionate, she says she still loves me and doesnt know why she is like it she says the feelings arent there when she does want it it feels like im a performing monkey and shes dangling sex on a string which is the biggest turn off ever,I have lost all my confidence to a point of depression.Now the sex isnt a problem ive always enjoyed wanking but the lack ofaffection and the fact she is too embarrassed to seek advice from her doctor is doing my head in, she seens so blarsey about the whole thing its as if she doesnt give a dam, I dont believe for one minute shes cheating i trust her without question but it seems she is hell bent on destroying us. she says not,i would support her in anyway possible if only she tried to sort her problem but is very reluctant. she was in a very violent relationship before and i could understand if from the start she wasnt as enthusiastic about sex but uptil 3 months ago everything was great. I really am at my tether I dont want to leave cos I love her so much but the arguments about this is doing my head in, please help ---------------------My partner suffered tremendous domestic violence for 25 yrs i met her 3 yrs ago and our life was great we were seperated for a while when she had to move cos her ex came out of prison for her safety. we have lived together for over a yr now and sex was fantastic all of a sudden and for no particular reason she has gone off sex (im only her second partner she is 42)now i have told her to seek help but she is embarrassed to talk to a stranger is this to do with her previous relationship please help i love her so much i feel unloved,unwanted,undesired,my confidence is at an all time low i dont want to be without her she is my angel andshe is so kind to everybody bar me im feeling so low and desperate i try to talk but shes not interested,she will just say stop kicking off its so frustrating its not the lack of sex i can have a wank but i feel she doesnt love me anymore
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2011): Went through something similar- things were great in the start and then slowly, the sex, the affection, the attention, the time spent together is all on the plunge. And the whole time the person says they care/ love u etc. What I learned from that whole nightmare was that your gf (like my ex) is not interested anymore becoz things are no longer a challenge. She knows you will be there no matter what she does or does not do. They do not feel the need to work at the relationship- it's too easy. Easy come, easy go. So if you have already expressed your feelings (because talking calmly/openly is always the first and even second best option) and things haven't changed- then back off. Stop trying so hard. Leave her alone, act like you don't need her. Sucks playing games, but the truth is if she actually cares she will come back and want to work things out. If not, it wasn't meant to be. Move on and find someone that appreciates you, not someone that is still looking for the chase.
A
female
reader, TexasTexas  +, writes (12 February 2011):
She is breaking up with you. She is withholding sex and you will eventually leave her. Then she doesn't have to think it was her fault.Are you SURE she isn't corresponding with the former abuser? Sounds like he might be in the picture.
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