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anonymous
writes: It's like this...about 7 years ago I started seeing this girl; she was perfect and really liked me (I was her first boyfriend.) Anyway we were seeing each other for a few weeks and I decided to break it off as I had just come out of a long relationship and wasn't ready - looking back it's because I still wanted to go out with the boys and that I hadn't grown up yet. I then joined the armed forces, despite being in various relationships since I split with her I always end up thinking of her and how she is the "one that got away". Anyhow I've just moved back to town after being away for six years and last week I was walking through town and we crossed paths - we both sort of stopped in the street and stared at each other. It felt like it was slow motion but I know it was only a brief exchange. Since then I've been thinking of getting in touch but don't know the best approach - any tips? I've thought about flowers but they might be too much and I don't know her situation and might get her in trouble. I've got to be completely honest and say it all seems a bit weird as I've never felt like this before in fact I can't believe I'm writing to an agony aunt - no disrespect to you or anybody out there but this just isn't like me.I'd be really grateful if you can shed any light on my situation, even if the answer I am looking for is negativeYours faithfullySteve
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A reader, Kate, writes (13 February 2005): Hi Steve,Firstly: If you know where she lives (which I presume you do since you mentioned sending her flowers), how about writing her a short note on a postcard or something similar?You could suggest meeting up for a drink/lunch, and write your phone number on there, and say it would be nice to see her to catch up on the past 6 years. You could mention that you thought you saw her in the street that day, but were caught by surprise and so didn't speak to her.This way, she can decide if she would like to meet up and you won't have got her into trouble (hopefully!).Then: If you do meet up, you'll have the chance to talk about her current situation and whether she is available. Don't be too shy about asking the question about whether she is seeing anyone, it's good to clarify what's going on, so nobody gets the wrong idea.If it's going well, also let her know that you have been thinking about her all these years, and your reasons for breaking up with her. If you don't then will always be thinking 'I wish I'd told her......'. She might have been really hurt by the break up first time round, so she needs to understand that you weren't ready then.Not sure about whether you should come on too strongly at first, as you don't want to scare her off. She might want some time to think about it. Just play it by ear I guess, and be honest with her. Hope you get a 2nd chance at this, you sound as if you really like her, and are ready now!Try and be gracious if she is already happy with someone else though, you might have to accept that the timing wasn't right for you guys. Good luck, and don't be too scared to make the first step.
A reader, patti, writes (13 February 2005): from 6 years ago, you have grown up. flowers wouldnt be a bad idea. just put in the card, thinking of you. or send her a nice thinking of you card. and ask her out to dinner. if she doesnt want to go out. at least you tried. dont give up.
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