A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok, so this is a long story not sure where to start. I'm in a relationship with this girl I met back in High School. I was in the service for a couple of years until they had told me I was no longer fit for my job. When she and I discussed how we actually liked each other, I had found out she was having trouble with her boyfriend of 3 years. He wasnt seeing a future with her. So we decided we would probably get together, and I decided to leave the service for good. We started dating maybe a month after their break up, and I was still in the service at the time, waiting for them to finish my process of getting out. We started our relationship pretty serious, asking questions about the future, such as how we want our homes, how many kids, ect... im sure you know the talk. We would stay up all night to talk to each other all througout the 4 months i was still there. Then finally I moved back home to where she was. I would drive and see her as often as possible, since she went to college 2 hours away. Our relationship was still pretty serious. We had arguments and fights over things ever since it started, but nothing we broke up over. We came close a few times.Well, after about 6 months of us being together, her ex finally emails her saying that he misses her, that he loves her, and does see a future with her now. This was when I had taken her to go see her dad in a few states away. I asked her what she was going to do about it all, but she said she didnt want to think about until she left for South America for her summer vacation. She figures its best for her to think about everything down there. Now mind you, when we got together I did ask her that she wouldnt ever want to get back with him, and she did tell me no, that he had his chance and they were over. Well, the last 3 months she was still here in the country, she did spend more time with him. They were friends since the break up, but since he told her those things they would occassionally go out to see a movie, or go to lunch/dinner, or just go randomly hang out. And I couldnt do anything about it really seeing as I was 2 hours away. Now she is in south america and has told me her decision thus far... and that is for us to be less serious. She still loves me, but says I am too serious now. She still is willing to date, but wants freedom to go hang out with guys and even her ex. She says she is worried for when she graduates and its time to move, that if we end up breaking up at that point, she doesnt want us to be so serious that it would hurt us too much. In my opinion, I would rather be serious, if it is what we really feel after all, and give it all the best try we have.. I'm willing to risk that heart break. I'd rather know we gave it the best attempt we could, rather than let something just slide on past. I told myself that if she came back with the decision that she would stay with me, and if she would cut him out of this mess once and for all... not necessarily meaning stop talking and being friends, but leaving him as not the slightest possiblity of going back to... that I was going to propose to her somewhere during her last year in College.So, I know its long. Probably doesnt have all the details... I just need help figuring out what I should do or if theres something behind it that I should be seeing. I just dont know. I love her to death, she is a great woman that any guy, especially myself, would be lucky to be with.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust an update. Been a while, a lot has happened really. Well, pretty much where the story left off up there is she came back from her summer vacation, and it seemed like things were ok and we were just going to stay together. We had a few special moments, and she threw me a good birthday party. Then maybe a week later, she threw one heck of a curve ball. We were out shopping for stuff for her apartment that she was going to move into for her last year of college. Things were going great. We bumped into my best friend, talked for a while. He said it seemed like we were the happiest we had ever really been. Then we bumped into a couple of her friends that she hadn't seen for a long time, she introduced me as her boyfriend and all that. Well, we finally went home and were laying down watching a movie, still happy... up until a point where she started to just cry.Well, at that point she said that it wasn't fair to me but she thinks it was best that she becomes single again for a while so she can focus on school and see if she can become independent again (apparently she feels like she wasnt anymore). She said it sucked that we were finally happy, which is definately weird to hear on a break up... So she asked for one last kiss and we broke up. Well, after about 4 months, it was getting close to Valentines Day, she and her ex boyfriend got back together. Needless to say, I was quite rather upset with her. My friends all were too, ones that all thought highly of her and well were real close friends with her too. I sent her a message explaining my disappointment and theirs too. I never got a word back from her. About a month later she just deleted her facebook profile and hasn't really been in touch with anyone else.So I guess, I should of left her a long time ago is the moral of the story here.
A
female
reader, Alexisonfire  +, writes (12 July 2010):
 yes its hard to let go but sometimes its the best thing for the heart.
well if she doesnt want to be in a relationship then yous shouldn't, but no one deserves to wait on someone that doesnt know what they want.
do what you think is best. but you deserve someone that knows they want to always be with you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, I am thinking on what you've said. I don't know yet. It's real hard to just kind of let go yet. But I guess we kind of discussed what's happened between us, through email since she is in a different continent right now. And all she has had to say on it was:
What´s happened to us is that I do not want to be in a serious relationship, I don´t even want to be in much of a relationship at all. I would like time to be completely single and focus on school and anything I have to think about when it comes to life. I just didn´t want to completely cut our relationship because I´m afraid to lose it all, especially our friendship.
I don't know how I am getting in the way of any of that. I help try to comfort her through stressful days of college, to be there to talk to, and I've always told her to take care of her work before me. As far as her future, I've tried to make it clear that anything I do can hold off. I just got out of the military. I'm not making any major leaps towards something just yet. I myself want to just relax for a while ya know. So, what I'm trying to say there is that no matter what she does or where she goes.. I'm willing to follow.
Thanks for your reply thus far.
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A
female
reader, Alexisonfire +, writes (5 July 2010):
i think that you shouldnt stick around with her. sure she might be nice and you love her, but just think about it. when her ex didn't want her she loved being serious and being with you. but when her ex wants her back she wants to be less serious with you.
she wants the option to go back to her ex but yet shes staying with you because she might think that he would change his mind and she'd lose you too.
im only guessing but from what you said i think that you shouldn't be with someone that clearly isnt over her ex boyfriend, yous started dating too soon after her relationship, if you really want to keep yout relationship going then take a break and see what her actions are.
good luck ! :)
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