A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi All,My Sex life is practically dead, I am a 28yo Male living with my partner. Our sex life started off great 2 - 3 times a week for the first 9 months now it's almost at once a month, she doesn't want me like she used too. She used to jump on me, she used too enjoy it ( well thats what she said ) and initiate, now she doesn't but still asks if I want her and wants hugs and kisses which just lead to frustration too me.I can't see any other influence affecting it I do all the cooking my fair share of chores we both work standard reasonably stress free jobs, I tell her she is sexy and beautiful everyday, we have no kids we live together alone and I am reading articles and trying everything I can to get things going, I have also tried nothing which didn't work either and I am about ready to give up.Problem is I have tried to bing up how I miss the intamacy and sex with her and how we should talk and think of some way's to work on it she gets angry and defenssive saying such tings as "is that all you want me for ?" or my favourite, I just don't want sex and i'm not having sex for the sake of it, which is not what I am asking for at all. All I am asking is for her to communicate and make an effort to resurect our sex life becasue i beleive it is important and months ago she used to agree. But she refuses to talk saying I am going to dump her.. I love this woman with all my heart but I don't feel attractive or sexy anymore I feel neglected and un-satisfied and guilty for having a healthy appetite for sex. I worry because all my previous relationships well the couple i have had have all had this warning sign, I just want to be open and honest with her as there is no point in me bottling this up and just being un-satisfied and unhappy. Other people I have known who have done this have just gone on to cheat on their partners and I refuse to do this.Please I would love to hear idea's / suggestions. I am at a loose end and incredibly frustrated!
View related questions:
confidence, sex life Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2007): First of all, I LOVE that you are unwilling to cheat on her. That is very noble and a great example for some of the *ahem* LESS honorable members of the male species.
On that note, have you ever considered that she may be cheating on you? I understand that a drop in passion is normal after a while together, but for it to completely stop altogether sounds a bit fishy.
In my (albeit limited) experience, a sex life revival can only be successful if both partners are completely devoted to kicking things off again (my boyfriend of 3.5 yrs and I just recently suffered a troubling dry spell but we recovered completely... persistence and creativity is key).
She sounds difficult to talk to, but if you feel that the relationship is worth saving, don't give up... Find new approaches... Maybe read a few issues of Cosmo for tips. (J/k).
Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2007): It certainly looks like the passion has dropped out of your relationship.
I think the bottom line is that you have got to talk about the situation, I just can't see any other way forward. You'll just have to put your case to her, forcefully if need be, and tell her how frustrated you feel about the whole situation, and that you can't stand it the way things are, but choose the moment carefully - she won't want to talk about it just after getting in from work!
She needs to know that the relationship is in danger of coming to an end if you don't reach some sort of compromise, because sex is very important to you, as it is in most relationships. Once a month might be fine for some people, but not you.
Perhaps you've both gotten into a dull routine, same thing day after day. When was the last time you went out for a romantic meal together, or done some of the things you did when you first got together?
Maybe you should plan a surprise weekend away somewhere, champagne & roses and all, and try to sweep her off her feet again. If something like that falls on stony ground I don't hold out that much hope for you.
best of luck
Phil
...............................
|
