A
male
age
51-59,
*oWahDiddy
writes:My girlfriend and I were going out for over a year, then I walked out of my job. Because of this she split with me and she said I should have talked to her first if there was a problem at work. I think this was just an excuse for a break. I know there's no one else involved, and she does have issues to get through, which she had before I started seeing her.But she cant bare for me not to be in her life, still wants to be around me, but not as a couple.We were still sleeping with each other until a month ago when she wanted that to stop. All she wants is for me to be in her life and to be there when she needs me. She doesnt want me to show her any signs of love and affection and she wont show me any.But she panics like mad if she thinks im going to have nothing more to do with her at all, or if she thinks i've got someone else.We still sometimes go out at weekends on our own, where she always ends up kissing me. But if I try to kiss her she pulls back so quick to stop me. When she does that I feel so crap!When she comes to my flat we chat, have a laugh and get close, hug and lay on bed together. She sometimes kisses me but the moment I go to kiss her or take it further she switches off completely.She says she loves me dearly and desperatly wants me back, but cant at the moment because she cant see a future for us. But then says she is relieved that I still want to see her and work through this.Its hard for me to be with someone who wont show any emotion toward me, but even harder to shut her out completely.This has been going on for a couple of months now, it is putting a strain on me and really dont know how long I can do this for before I walk away for good.She wants us to work through this but it now feels as if she's just accepting this as the way we are and doesn't seem to be trying anything to sort it. Anytime I try to discuss us and the situation, she just cuts it dead. It's as if she's avoiding talking about it.She tells me her head is telling her not to take me back, but her heart is aching to have me back. Until she can resolve this conflict then she doesn't know what to do.She says her biggest fear is that I will want nothing more to do with her and cut her out of my life for good. Yet she is prepared to let that happen rather than us get back together at this time!My family and friends are all telling me to ditch her and move on. But if there's the slightest chance she'll come round and we can get back together, then I don't want to lose it!!So, anyone got any suggestions on what I should do?
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male
reader, newambition  +, writes (15 December 2008):
It would be great if we knew what she can't get from you. Are you a nice guy? Can you thrill her with your alpha strength?If yes to both questions, then you should be able to make the necessary changes that will fulfill her. If not, then some character flaws or something else is present in her, you, or both of you that don't mix well. Another possibility is that she always wants what she can't have -- a maddening condition.Also, why were you so uninterested in building those relationships? I've found that simply showing up and being generally charming works a treat.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2008): She's afraid of a Real Relationship with you for some reason? Has she told you what it is? If you can't handle this emotional roller coaster anymore, then she HAS to accept that you need to MOVE on in your life, because you need or want a girl that wants to go to the next level in a real-love relationship.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2008): She is in complete control of you and your emotions! And that's the way she likes it! It's not fair to you!
It sounds as though she is holding on until something better comes along. Don't allow her to use you like a puppet! Be Strong and listen to your friends and family. People have to learn they can't use others like this and by staying with her you are telling her it's okay.
Tell her you can't take it anymore! Let her know exactly how you feel and your not going to "wait for her to decide!"
You deserve better and obviously she can't be that for you!
Good Luck!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2008): You girlfriend reminds me a lot of what I used to be like. She doesn't like you romantically but probably realizes that she will lose you as a friend it she officially broke it off. She will continue to play this game as long as she can. So either you decide to end things or just sit around and be someone's emotional toy.
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