A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:The prettiest girl I've ever seen... the girl of my dreams, a year ago she broke up with my cousin who used to be very close to me, a few months ago me and her started talking and we became inseparable. There literally isn't a moment in the day when we're not around each other’s necks. I fell madly in love with her, she told me that she liked me too and that if she was looking for a relationship I'd be the one and that I should be patient, I was okay with that for a while until I began to wonder if she didn't believe me the first time, and so I told her how much I loved her I told her how being apart wasn't an option, to sum things up I cried my heart out and told her everything. She still insisted she wasn't ready for a relationship; we went back to being inseparable only we acted like nothing had happened. A week later I brought it up again and she told me the real reason behind her hesitation. She said it’s because she's not over what my cousin did to her (he's a major player who plays with people’s hearts and pops cherries as a hobby), only I never thought I'd end up getting this close to one of his victims, she insists that she doesn’t love him, and that she hates him but she said something that I can't seem to get out of my mind.. "He was to me what I am to you" and hence she said that she needs time to get over it. (Even though it’s already been a year). When I'd ask how much time she needed she said she couldn't answer, she knows what she said hurt me and in turn that hurt her too. She was crying while telling me all of this and I mean, I see that as a sign that she cares for me, she used to tell me not to wait for her ..and that she didn't want me to ruin my life because of her, but it’s too late, I already live and breathe for her ..and that’s never going to change. I just hope her heart heals soon because we're still as close as ever only. It gets difficult speaking to her sometimes when I know she doesn’t love me the way I love her. And as for my cousin I can't even sit in the same room as him now. His very existence sickens me.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2009): the issue is that you want her to love you.
you love her and that's life, you have to express the love you feel. she is adorable and beautiful and you don't really have a choice in expressing those feelings for her.
but when you desire something in return from the person (and who doesn't?), you set yourself up for a potentially catastrophic disappointment.
perhaps she shares this love for you or will someday. if that happens, it will be because she sees into your heart and feels your love for her. it won't be because you want it so bad, nobody ever loves another because that person wants them to.
if she doesn't share your feelings, at some point, it will become clear to you that is the case, and all the love you have shown for her will seem futile. you will be left feeling angry, weak, and resentful.
you have to protect yourself from this possibility - it is the most harmful and dangerous place you can put the two of you. you must let go for both of your sakes. in the long run, it is the only loving thing you can do.
we've all been there and we all know how hard this advice is to take. my heart is with you, my man, i'm in a similar place, and your post has brought me comfort and helped me to know i'm not alone in this difficult time. we're all in it together, try not to lose hope.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2009): I'm not forcing myself to do anything .. I'm just donning my mask and waiting... i just don't know how long i can hold out without dying completely on the inside. And I would never put her through anything like that .. I live to see her smile, the whole reason I'm acting the way i am (and holding out) is because I know that whenever i mention love it hurts her..and thats the last thing i want to see =[
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A
female
reader, Aunt Iris  +, writes (17 August 2009):
 Dear Friend!
Patience is the mother of all virtues. I know it must be really difficult for you to be around this girl all the time without her having the same feelings for you. But the truth is that you really dont know how she really feels about you. She might be falling in love right now, who knows? She has just being betrayted by a guy who she was in love with. These things take time to heal. Just be for as she needs right now. Since you are already in love with her you have nothing to lose. However dont force her emotionally to feel all those things for you as you cant hurry love. One last thing though. Be very sure that you do love her and that its not just an infactuation. You wouldnt want to put her through the same misery she is in right now.
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