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writes: Alright... I am a 26th year old guy. The first time I was on this website i was writing about one of my old relationships that I was having trouble with and i appreciated a lot of the feedback I got from my situation at the time. this time i am writing about an entirely different situation.for the last month or so I have been talking to this girl. well say her name is christy. we knew each other from before because she is one of my friend's Xs. they had a nasty breakup about half a year ago. when we started hanging out i believed she was over that situation because we never talked about it. and we talk a lot. anyways, i began to really fall for christy. we spent christmas together and that night we hooked up. i hoped that it would lead to something since i have never met a girl i got along with so well and cared about as much during this stage of the relationship. that may have sounded bad but it not like i didnt care about my other relationships. its just that this one was so much better. i can probably say i love this girl even if we havent dated. and thats the thing... she doesnt want to date anyone. she even told me that after her breakup with my friend, she doesnt want to even sleep with anyone. that what we did was a mistake. but we still spent the last 4 days together.if she doesnt want a relationship, i understand that. she just got over a bad relationship. but if she knows we get a long so well i dont want her to say no to something that maybe a good thing.i just dont want to be stuck being friends so by the time she is ready to move one she will not just look at me as a friend. and i have no idea how to do that.what should i do?
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reader, chlez83  +, writes (2 January 2008):
You really can't force her to love you as you claim to love her.You'll simply end up in a situation as bad as mine.Imagine,she accepts you two start dating.Things are all rosy for the first few months and then suddenly she begins to be distant to you and finally tells you she's still in love with her ex and tells you that she's never really loved you.What would you do?How would you feel? Respect her wishes and her standing and live with it.Her feelings are best felt by herself and you can't change them.However,a more risky approach is to remain her close friend and wait for her to open up,though she may never open her heart to you.
Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2008): Hi there I just wanted to write to you and say dont give up!!! A few months ago I was 'that' girl. I came out of a terrible relationship and was approached by one of my boyfriends mates. Long story short he is everything i ever dreamed a guy could be but my fear of getting hurt again as well as the guilt I felt because he was my ex's friend made me push him away. Now that I feel ready for a relationship he doesen't feel the same way any more and is now scared I will hurt him. I missed a chance at true love because I was scared and feeling guilty and im guessing this is what is happening with this girl. My advice is go easy but when you are together make her feel like a princess. Dont push too hard and let her contact you some of the time, maintain and develope your own life and interests and most of all be patient. If your meant to be together there will be a time when something just clicks for her and she realises that she cant be without you. I just hope that its not too late when she does. All the best xx.
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reader, FROMtheHEART2U  +, writes (2 January 2008):
Hello i hope you take this advice. there is a lot of people who think if you stay friends for a long time it never goes anywhere, the only reason friends never move to the next level is simple they don't see you that way and never will so you just keep that person as a friend...
im sorry but she has been damaged really bad by the sounds of it and you need to back off and wait for her to trust again. TRUST is the word and FEAR help her to believe in men again but watch carefully she does not drop you to her level be patient and wait even if the end result is you are good friends thats ok cause good friends are hard to come by and she might be the one to leed you to the love of your life. GOD BLESS AND FOR WHAT ITS WORTH GOOD LUCK
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