A
female
age
36-40,
*unty_rach
writes:ok so basically throughout high school i there were 4 close friends. one got a bf a few years ago and decided to ditch the rest of us. we never heard from her, but tried to invite her out. she never did come out, her bf was her life and she had no time for her friends. so the 3 of us carried on going out, going on holiday and basically having a good time, as well as dating guys. but now her bf dumped her and all of a sudden after two years she texts and says how she is sorry and can we all start hanging out again? but we are now unsure of how this could work, as alot has changed in the two years since she has not been in the group. i just don't see this 4th friend coming back and it being like the old days.the other two friends feel the same. but we thought of maybe meeting her now and again, but even then we feel it shall be awkward. what if she gets another bf and ditches us again? also the 3 of us are going on another holiday this year...how will that make her feel knowing she has missed out on so much? how do we even try and get along after she just ditched us?
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female
reader, Lauren.. +, writes (27 January 2009):
 Hiya
Ive had exactly the same problem as you. I had a friend that ditched us (we were also a group of 4) for her boyfriend and despite the fact that he cheated on her several times, she continued to stay with him. Whenever they would fight, shed want to know us again etc! What we did, foolishly as I look back, is we accepted her back into our group because she was our friend and we were all really close once. But then, she just continued to stab us in the back, and then I realised that she had actually treated me and my friends really badly anyways, so our accpeting her back into out group was the wrong choice.
Something like this makes you realise that she couldn't have been that good of a friend anyways because she ditched you, and therefore proved that your friendship meant nothing to her. Now that she is alone she has decided that she values your friendship, when actually it was her fault in the first place that the friendship was lost. I don't know if your situation is the same as mine was, but i did accept my friend back and i got burned on several occassions, and in the end i just cut all ties with her because i realised that she really didn't give a damn. I don't know if your friend is the same as mine, but all i know is that now I am better off without her because she ultimately changed the dynamics of the group that i was in.
I hope i have been of some help, but like i say, your situation may be different to mine, so if you decide to accept her friendship back, you may get a different outcome to what i did. Mine was a sad outcome, but I am glad that I tried it one last time with her.
Good Luck.
A
female
reader, aunty_rach +, writes (27 January 2009):
aunty_rach is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni wouldn't be happy for her if she went back with him, considering he was a cheat. i still don't get why she just forgot about her friends, i never forgot my friend when i was in a relationship the other year. i felt strongly for him too, but always made time for friends.
i just don't see it working out. i guess we were never really close anyway. sure she hanged out with us, but i never really had much in common with her. maybe she just needs to move on and find some other friends. i'm sure she has other friends. maybe i am being a little selfish, but can you blame me and the other 2 for feeling like this?
the most we can do is just invite her out to a meal or something and see how it goes.
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