A
male
age
36-40,
*ryingtofigurethisout
writes:I feel resentful towards my girlfriend because I perform oral sex on her before we have sex. I genuinely enjoy doing it and would prefer to carry on. However, I don't know if me doing this act is the reason she feels she does not need to give me oral sex and whether she disrespects me for it. She isn't appreciative of me giving her oral sex even though she gets an orgasm. She has never given me a bowjob though she has teased me several times and says that she wants to when she is drunk. I have not let her because it's become quite a hit on my ego that she teases me and so I would prefer to safe-guard my pride. My girlfriend does have a very good sex drive although never leads in the bedroom. I know that I do not command enough respect from her so how can I resolve this issue or is it time to cut my losses.Also I've noticed this issue happens with both sexes, more for girls so I'm wondering if I have just become a girl in the sense of the giver.
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drunk, oral sex, orgasm, sex drive Reply to this Question
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male
reader, tryingtofigurethisout +, writes (25 April 2009):
tryingtofigurethisout is verified as being by the original poster of the questionshe dislocated it laughing once and needs an operation to completely fix it, which she will not get right now.
A
male
reader, tryingtofigurethisout +, writes (25 April 2009):
tryingtofigurethisout is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMore info:
She has a fear that she will dislocate her jaw when doing so as it has happened before with a previous partner and she is prone to it.
However, when she was drunk I let her do it for about 2 minutes because she asked me to. It felt really good, she is incredible at it and before doing it she said that she was very good at it. She stopped after the 2 minutes (I cant remember why, we were both drunk)
Anyways I thought from then on she would do it since she has also stated it would 'get her off' and she knows 'its what [I've} always wanted'. She said the last comment when she was drunk. When she said that, it felt as though she was mocking me; as though she knew it would be very pleasurable but still would not do it.
Lastly we were having a conversation after sex and she stated that she was holding back in the relationship, physically as-well (maybe because I haven't said i love her and she has to me.)
Lastly its not that I absolutely have to have head. Its just baffling that she has said she ENJOYS doing it, has so with other boyfriends (even waking one up with it), has stated that she knows I would enjoy it and has discovered that her jaw will not dislocate. Honestly I've tried ignoring my urge but its truly eating me inside knowing the facts above; it feels like a disregard for pleasuring me. This is one of the things that makes me unsure that I love her.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2009): You'll get as much respect as you demand and justify.
This BJ thing maybe shouldn't be a big deal on its own. But I'm guessing that she was generally more giving & accomodating towards her exes than she is to you in all kinds of ways, and this is just a symptom of it.
If you can't get respect from her, then break up with her and let her go back to being treated like shit by the bad boys. That may still be what she wants.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2009): Dear Tryingtofigurethisout,
Let me keep this short, if she doesnt respect you and is taking you for granted, then for sure, it is time to cut your losses. Relationships rarely work this way, it is always give and take.
- A person whos been there
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