A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:recently my girlfriend caught me on a porn site and now she keeps telling me that i chose that girl over her when i could have masturbated to her but then she will say that all the times that i told her that she was perfect and beautiful was just a lie because she thinks i chose that girl because she was better than her - when in reality it isn't like that at all, but now she says all that she thinks about is me masturbating to another girl and now she always asks me why i did it and i cant give her an answer because i don't know. Can someone please give me an answer our relationship is on the line!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2008): I think you should be honest. Don't be ashamed of what u choose to do- if you are then you shouldn't be doing it.
Your girl has a right to be upset- her feelings are important and so are urs. Maybe you explain to her that it's justa harmless pastime and how much you love herand she may come to terms with it. On the other hand, she may never like the idea and you'll have to make a choice to stay or go. If she can compromis and maybe suggest what she IS comfortable w/ maybe you can stll have some "porn privledges" that won't disespect her.
-Yenell
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2008): but the thing is, she was THERE, not GONE and he still chose the porn over her
so she has some very valid questions for him, and he really ought to be answering truthfully, not based on what people on a website tell him to say
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2008): My suggestion is to e as honest as you can be. This will build trust again. Women know their being lied to or the ruth is being fabricated. Wome respect men who re honest even if it means some embarassment. Maybe the truth is r curious about porn, want to learn new ways to please her,a stress reliever- whatever the case ur not alone. Other guys do the same thing. If you think you could stop looking at it-tell her you won't do ths anymore- but if your not willing to give it up- don't pretend you will- and try and sneak. She will know! Also- you can try reading erotic fantasies that have stories and cartoons as opposed to real people-maybe she will join in!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2008): To the person who posted this question
aren't men aloud to masturbate?
and i'm sure she masturbates too
Sure they can masturbate, but they DO NOT need porn....
It is completely disrespectful to women and when your old enough you will understand why women with moras refuse to be sexually involved with men who support this hideous industry
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A
female
reader, lisard89 +, writes (15 April 2008):
...well, [WHY] is the hardest question to answer, isn't it? Just tell her the truth: You masturbate to get off. You love on her sensually (I'm assuming)... and there is a big difference. Porn is stimulating visually, whereas she is stimulating in all senses, she is a human being and you love her... porn is just a replacement for the imagination, really... and I'm pretty sure she hasn't made any porn, so you look at other porn (just to get off). Make it absolutely clear that there is no way porn could ever "top" her. Also make it clear that you never intended for this to make her feel insecure, you were just trying to get off, and porn is an aid. You don't want her to go nuts over-analyzing it... so what might help is to tell her that you don't even remember the pornstars faces, asses, anything... tell her the details of what you love about her. You say that she is perfect and beautiful... tell her HOW. [the way her skin feels, the way her hair smells, the way her lips quiver when she feels amazing..., whatever...] make it clear that no pornstar has the elements of beauty that she possesses.
I hope that maybe something I said would help you. Good luck with your lovely lady. :}
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2008): aren't men aloud to masturbate?and i'm sure she masturbates too.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (14 April 2008):
 Tell her that you have got two heads.
Sometimes the little head takes over and you cannot stop it.
Sometimes , the big head wins and sometimes the little head wins...
You cannot control them.Tell her, men are wired that way.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (14 April 2008):
 Well you could try the line that you think masturbation is beneath the purity of the real love you have for her and you didn't want to sully her in your mind. Not sure she'll buy it but what have you got to lose?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2008): Its instinctive!!!, men have an overwhelming urge to maturbate.
Some people need inspiration, and others can just masturbate with out it.
Without sounding judgemental, ask her why she uses sex toys when your not there?! and does that mean that she preffers the toys over you?. (thats if she does use them!!).
If she doesnt use sex toys then just say, that you had an urge and it was a means to an end!. you didnt choose another girl over her you just wanted to masturbate in private. Surely she doesnt expect you to tell her everytime you do it.
And personally, If I caught my husband doing that I would jump in and finish him off!!.
But your both young and not entirley sure of yourselves yet. She is being insecure and just wants reassurance that you still love they way she looks.
Thats all.
Hope I have helped.
Good luck
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