| A ,
anonymous
writes:
I recently left my wife and have since got together with a lady I have known and worked with for a couple of years. We have both been hurt before and neither of us have gone into this relationship lightly, we are absolutely sure that we are completely in love with each other and yet we seem to be unable to go a week without rowing.
The biggest cause of the rows is my partners past...due to a difficult marraige my partner had very low self esteem and very low confidence, this led her to try too hard for people to like her, because she is blonde and absolutely stunning, she found it easier to find friendship with men, particularly at work. She didn't go too far, and in the main it was flirtatious behaviour, but that did in some instances include sending pictures of a sexually provocative nature to these men.
When we got together we were very honest about our pasts, probably too honest, so I know pretty much everything and everyone from her past. All of this combined is now causing us problems and I need to understand whether I am asking too much and whether the problem actually lies with me.
We have had a serious row this today that has been caused by two things, firstly she received an e-mail from someone at work who signed off with a kiss...this is not an old friend or someone she has socialised with, but it is someone who she has had contact with at work over the past couple of years. He would have signed off with a kiss because before getting together with me, she used to do the same so he simply precipricated. She now sees nothing wrong with that whereas I deem this to be innapropriate now that she is in a serious relationship...am I being unreasonable and being jealous?
The second thing is that she sent a friendly text to someone at work, this was someone that we agreed it was not appropriate to remain friends with as he is married and had been involved in the provacative texts and pictures with, it is also someone she has to work closely with. We agreed that therefore it was best if they had a professional relationship only in future. She says it was a one off text and it is true to say that there was nothing in it to suggest anything other than normal friendship, but the point for me is that we agreed we wouldn't do it.
I believe she still craves the attention and doesn't want to lose that, but is it that I am asking too much and kisses on e-mails from work colleagues are perfectly normal?
Please help
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at work, confidence, flirt, her past, jealous, self esteem, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A reader, Dee, writes (19 February 2005): Hi..in a relationship that is agreed to be serious, boundries usually change somewhat and one should respect the others feelings..I think if you have discussed these worries with your mate then she should respect your worries and at least end the sweet nothings texting..yikes those terms of endearment are meant for you not other men...i am canandian and my husband is american and moving here is a whole new way of things such as men calling other women babe or sweety or hun, i know it sounds like nothing to most but in canada those terms are meant for your special other..my husband totally laughed at me when i addressed this issue but he understood my feelings and respected them.. fopr that i love him even more..so if this bothers you and she does not see the importance in it then you need to find someone that shares the same feelings...remember..when you are in love with a beautiful women so is everyone else..good luck
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