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male
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*hoenix
writes: I'm sort of in a very... distressing situation right now. Last year, I dated my best friend for about 5 months, and it was the greatest time of my life. However, around October of last year, she started flirting with another guy (while we were still together), and she broke up with me for her. Naturally, I was a little heartbroken...Thier relationship was a disaster, and it ended within a couple weeks. She came running back to me, trying to get me back, but I was so upset (and angry), I did not go back to her. For the next eight months, she persistently tried to get me back. In that time, she tried a relationship with that same guy again, and once again, it was over within weeks.At the beginning of the summer, she did convince me to let myself fall in love with her again. It was a very big step for me... but I felt that I could trust her, that she learned...However, after I told her that she finally convinced me, she totally flipped her position, and was not quite as sure anymore. So, for the last several months, it has been me trying to get HER back... And to make things even more painful, her and her SAME FRIEND are flirting with each other again.This feels totally unfair to me. She convinced me to let myself fall in love with her, only to have her switch up on me. She says that I'm too emotional (I do get upset easily... but I can't help it when she does things like this... Maybe she is right, though...) I love her so much, though. Her happiness means everything to me. I really, really do want to make her happy. It's just so... hard when I feel like I have to compete with another guy. Especially since I know that I tried to compete with him last year at this time, and lost. I don't know what to do. :(
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reader, Phoenix +, writes (11 September 2006):
Phoenix is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your kind words. :) The tricky thing is, after she broke up with me last October, I really tried to get over her. The heartbreak was killing me horribly, though, and I actually *numbed* my own feelings, so I wouldn't hurt anymore. That was really, really awful. I don't want to have to do that again. :-/
She really is such an amazing person, regardless of all of this, and I tell her that constantly, as it makes her feel better too. I really do want to make her happy...
A
male
reader, Lostandalone  +, writes (11 September 2006):
 I have to commend you for your ability to forgive. I don't know that I am that strong. You need to tell her staight out. Be with me or leave me FOR GOOD!!! You can't continue like this. If you do then it will break you. When you tell her this stick to your guns. Don't apologize for being emotional, she knew that when she was trying to get you back and you have every right to be considering what you have been thru. I trust you will make the right decision as you have shown that you can do without her before. Good Luck.
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female
reader, soletshearit +, writes (11 September 2006):
 OMG please, where can I find a guy like you...sensitive and forgiving...there aren't many out there like that! You must be a good catch!!!!
You really need to think about letting go of this girl. It sounds like more of a lust situation on her part. She wants you when she can't have you and when she has you she doesn't want you! Thats not fair and you are being unfair to yourself by getting wrapped up in this.
There's no point in pointing the finger at her saying that she convinced you to fall in love with her again, you are your own person...make a decision...be sure this decision is for you and no one else...
If there's something inside of you telling you to hold on just a little longer then go to her, be straight and direct and give her an ultimatum...tell her you want to be with her, you love her and that you want to be with her...if she can't give you an answer then you have your answer...move on and find yourself a girl who will appreciate your forgiving, sensitive side rather than one who will take advantage...
trust me I know how hard it is to break away as I am going through a very similar thing to you right now...breaking away from someone you love is the hardest thing you could ever do but trust me when i come out the other side I will be the better and stronger person! I too have been with someone who didn't appreciate my sensitive and forgiving side and though I was too sensitive....
Give her an ultimatum and if she doens't tell you immediately that she wants the same thing you do then forget it...you will just get hurt yet again!
Good luck and keep me posted.
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