A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Well, to save everyone from a life story, I'll do my best to summarize the important points.Basically, this concerns myself and a female we'll identify as "Jane." She's a junior and I'm a senior, both in high school, and we've been the best of friends ever since I was a freshman. We ended up falling for each other this past year, but never got to the status of "dating," and that's what my question involves.She's been a victim of a relationship (prior to me) where she was cheated on three times (yes, three). Ever since they broke up (just shortly before we fell for each other), she's had a real problem trusting men, and quite frankly after what he's put her through, I don't blame her.Well, things that I could quote (but won't to save room) basically include that I've treated her unlike any other and I'm her "knight in shining armor" and "hero." Despite all of this, she's liked two other people since we've fallen for each other, and take a wild guess who one of the two is? Yup, you guessed it, the male mentioned in the above paragraph.I've tried to talk to her millions of times about what she's doing, but I can never seem to make any sense out of her rationale. She claims she doesn't want to settle down in a relationship just yet, but she's "curious" about what people are like and wants to find what she does and doesn't like in different people. With the way she is now, she'll like someone, be with them to the point where they might as well be dating, and then out of no where, bam, her feelings fade and pick up on someone else.This can't be normal, can it? I mean, I realize she's upset and hurting from what's been done in past relationships, but . . .she claims all she's looking for is someone "like me," but she's not ready to settle down yet, but yet likes the one that hurt her to begin with, once again. What in the world do you make of that? We've been through so much together that I don't know if it'd be possible to just be "best friends" again. Don't get me wrong, I'd rather be alone than not have her in my life at all, in any aspect, but, it's just so confusing and, right now, hurtful. Maybe if you can't make any sense out of what she's going through, you can shed some light on how I can help her get over this "confusion." She says she knows that it's hurting people, she wants to stop, and she really regrets that it happened to me. To tell you the truth, even if I knew it would end up this way in the beginning, I still wouldn't have traded a second of our relationship for anything. All I want is for her to be happy, even if I'm not a part of that happiness. I can say that, but, in the back of my mind know that her happiness can't possibly be with the before mentioned male. It hurts watching her go down a road I can't follow. What would you folks do? How would you even try to help her through this matter? Any thoughts?
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the reply, fallenman.If I'm sure of anything that's going on with her, I'm positive that it was an equal feeling. We were extremely, extremely close. Trust me on that.Half of the problem I guess I forgot to include was that now, as I said her feelings come and go for other people, they're in the process of going for me, now, as well.I keep talking to her about it, but, each and every single time she will swear to the bone that I did nothing wrong, I've treated her unlike anyone else ever has, and essentially, I'm perfect for what she wants. For the life of me I can't figure out why, then, she wants to lose her feelings, other than it's part of this routine she's been doing.In the back of my mind there's a voice that's saying "move on," but, after everything we've been through, not just in a relationship but probably the best of friends you'd ever seen for the four years prior, I don't know if I can bring myself to do that.*Sigh* . . . heh
A
male
reader, fallenman  +, writes (25 February 2007):
 When you say fallen for each other, can you be sure its an equal feeling? The obvious although may not be true fact is that she appears to be still immature and needs time to grow up.
I suggest you let her learn in her own time and go after a peer of your own age group.
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