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*litch
writes: I met and dated my wife for 3 years before we married. Everything was wonderful. She had 2 children from a previous marriage who were very young (7 months 2 1/2 years) when I came into the picture and who I adore. We do joint custody with the kid's dad and everything has been and still is cooperative. But just 8 short months into our marriage, I found out through my wife's email account that she was having an affiar with someone she had met at the gym she works out at (which was only 3 or 4 months into starting the membership). Needless to say, I was destroyed at the very least. I left for a few weeks, but eventually went back after trying to work through things. We are approaching our 2nd year anniversary this month (Sept). Here's my dilema: she wants to have a child now. My problem with this is #1 She still goes to the same gym where she met the guy she had the affair with (he still does also) and she thinks there is nothing wrong with it because "...she made a mistake and it is over now." I still feel it is a slap in the face. #2 She is financially irresponsible and we are already in and going deeper in debt. #3 I don't know if I will ever be able to trust her again. She has a history of lying and not coming clean with the whole truth until she is caught. The answer sounds fairly simple when it is simplified into this context, but I still love her. Am I wasting my time to begin with here? I don't know how to nor want to break her heart...
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reader, Glitch +, writes (12 September 2006):
Glitch is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think you are exactly right. Thank you for the insightful answer. Time is exactly what I need. She's trying to put it like she has had complications before, only getting older with her biological clock ticking, etc. I also think it may be a way of trying to keep me in the situation. Again, thank you for your input!
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reader, Lostandalone  +, writes (12 September 2006):
 You haven't given yourself time enough to heal. Now, you have moved back with the intention of making it work. Thats commendable but with that said you have to put it in the past and if you haven't then it won't work with or without a child involved. I think personally she is using the child as a way of keeping you there. I mean if you want to leave you will only have to leave because her children aren't your biological children therefore you're not binded to them legally. She should also understand your frustration as she still goes to the same gym and knows that it bothers you and it should. If she is willing to make a fresh start she should be willing to do whatever it takes to win your trust back and she is not. I'm not saying to throw your marriage away but you do need some more time to think about what it is you want to do. Honestly, I don't think she can be trusted yet. You need your time and the last thing you need in the middle of this mess is another child. A BINDING CHILD!!! I know you love her but don't let that love blind your rational thinking. Good Luck.
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