A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:She can't have sex yet I crave it. What can I do?I've always been interested in girls and sex.When I first met my girlfriend online it took me a bit aback how she discussed her past sexual experience and sexual experimentation, but I found it intriguing. When we finally met up at a party we had sex and started a sexual relationship. Before long we living together and the sex wasn't as frequent, but she's a very interesting and fun girl so it's enjoyable living with her. Later it seemed that she had a fairly low sex drive, perhaps if the stories were true, it was a new thing, different from her wild past. Then sex started becoming painful and she disovered she had developed a not uncommon medical condition which combined with her low drive means that she's just not interested anymore. We might not be able to have sex ever again. (Yes she is in treatment but it's not getting anywhere)I'm very keen on girls and keen on sex. I fantasize, watch porn and secretly masturbate all the time. When I encounter attractive girls I fantasize about them. I've had "emotional affairs" with other girls I've gotten to know.What can I do? I feel the incessant masturbation and porn isn't particularly healthy, I'd rather have real mutual sex. On the other hand I feel that it's a matter of time until I have an emotional affair that spills over into sex.I don't particularly want to break up with my girlfriend, and who would not think I was a bastard if I broke up due to her medical problem?If only the answer was as simple as "just forget it", but sex is not a trivial matter for me.
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affair, broke up, her past, porn, sex drive Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2007): Hey there, I'm the original poster.
Things haven't really improved at all with my situation. I'm guessing I haven't had sex with my gf in a year or more, and it REALLY bugs me.
If some other girl offered me sex, I can't see how I'd be able to turn her down - I think I'd just "snap" and go for it. I flirt, I fantasize, I have crushes.
Do I have to find some way to mentally castrate myself? To somehow accept that my sexual life is over?
In response to comments ...
My gf accepts that I need to masturbate but it upsets her so she prefers me to do it when she's not around. On some rare occasions she encourages me to do it while holding her - I guess to try to recapture the intimacy of sex - but it's still just self-masturbation and so not hugely exciting.
BJs and HJs aren't really on the menu anymore.
Discussing these sort of things with my gf makes her upset so it's usually taboo. It just festers.
I can't see how this can end well.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2007): Is she not willing to masterbate you with her own hand, or & give you a blow job? i know I would do that for my boyfriend if I weren't able to have sex. Maybe the treatment will work, in the mean time ask her to do other things to you to fulfill your needs. You have to talk to her about this.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2007): Here! Here! I completely relate. Except mine is "just to tired" or he finishes in less than 5 minutes which leaves me so aggitated!!! I'm to the point now where I'm looking for someone to have discreet sex with...it's all I think about. You would think after masterbating 3 to 5 times a day I would be good to go, but I suppose it's not what I want.
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A
female
reader, Artemesian  +, writes (19 June 2007):
 Well your sexuality is a part of who you are, and if you love each other then you accept each other just like you could accept her condition. If you truly want to be with her then stand by her, try and help her through this (it often just takes time with that illness), and you could talk to her about your own needs so that your sexual desires can still be met. Even if she isn't interested often in doing things other than sex cause of the low drive, she could understand your needs and try and help you to satisfy them as well. Just sounds like a case of where you need to talk to each other more about whats going on with each of you, maybe that is or isn't the case but communication always helps. Sounds like it would be a shame to end what sounds like a good relationship apart from her illness. Hope it works out : )
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