A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend (we are both in our 40s) and I have been together for almost 3 years, we also work for the same company, own our home together, etc. About one year ago, he began a secret relationship with one of our female acquaintances. When I discovered it, I kicked him out and he dated her for about 3 weeks--the saddest, darkest, angriest time of my life. I have never been so disappointed in anyone in my life, and I have had plenty of long-term relationships. Anyway, I ended up having to buy him out of his portion of our home, etc. A week after the sale was final, he showed up in tears begging me to take him back. He said he had not had a decent conversation since he left (like he left for some conversation! ha!)...I took him back, we went to counseling, and our relationship is now better than ever. As for this "friend"--first of all, when they hooked up, she bragged and flaunted her "new boyfriend" to everyone ad nauseum. When the bf told her that he was coming back to me, she threw a three month long pity party for herself where I somehow became the cause of her woes...(unfortunately, she is still in our circle of friends--although not friends with us--so I have to hear all ab this nonsense and even see her at certain functions). This woman now has a new boyfriend of her own and has decided she wants to bury the hatchet with me. Her suggestion is that we all go to counseling together! I am so disgusted by the nerve of this woman... first she intrudes into my committed relationship, without my knowledge or consent, takes my boyfriend for her own for three weeks. laments her heartache for three months, and now it is 8 months later and she called my boyfriend yesterday to tell him that she wants me, him and her to go to counseling together? What makes her think she is entitled to anything from me, for one thing? I wrote her an email and said that if she has something to say, she can say it to ME and not to the boyfriend. I feel like I am in high school...this is so ridiculous. I think she called because she heard that we are getting married next months and just wants to make trouble... what should I say to her, if anything? I will have to see her, eventually. BF has been told to accept no more calls from her, BTW. Any advice? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2007): I do trust him now, and we have been to counseling together since this happened so that is not the point. I am just so sick of this woman meddling in my life!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2007): Your boyfriend should tell her to never contact him or you ever again and that there is no way that the three of you will be going to counselling together. She is just trying to cause trouble but you should not have to confront her, your boyfriend should and if it comes from you she is likely to continue with this but if he tells her she may get the message. I would suggest that he phones her with you standing next to him so you can be sure he makes it perfectly clear to her.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2007): First of all, it is obvious that you stil don't trust your bf, so why are you agreeing to marry him? It hasn't been that long since he cheated and the pain and humiliation is still going to be very raw. I don't want to paatronise you but, please don't get married just to spite this woman or to convince yourself/everyone that all is ok. Counselling does sound like a good option but for you and your bf only. I'm not sure what this woman's motives/intentions are but surely anyone can see that counselling involving all three of you is NOT a good idea, as it is sure to open old wounds and generally worsen the situation. If you can, call her and say that you don't think it is a good idea- if you speak to her calmly and rationally, you will show her that she hasn't got one over you and that you are in control. Good Luck!!
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