A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm a bit torn about what to do so i hope i can get some advice.Basically we were together for a while and fell in love, long story short her ex appeared and stirred things up and we ended up breaking up (its been a couple of months now), her and her ex eventually got back together.Her bf had cheated on her which was why they broke up the first time he also has an anger problem and just snaps at her hitting her some times. when we broke up he was in there with promises of change, that he wouldn't cheat on her again, that he sorted his anger problem, i cant say that he has or hasn't cheated on her but ive seen the bruises and heard about the times hes hit her.I need to point out that they had a baby together when they were first together but she died very young and to be honest i think that is why she gives him to much power over her.I've never stopped loving her I mean all my problems and worries just disappear when i see her, shes the only person that makes me truly happy and the only person i can see myself with. We got together recently and she told me that she never stopped loving me that i alway make her feel like a princess and no ones ever treated her so nice, but she says she also loves him but had made a mistake and that she wants to be with me but she doesn't know how she can tell her bf, she says thats its really hard for her, I can understand that its difficult because of there past.She says ultimately she wants to spend her life with me, she wants me to wait until she can tell him but here I sit and I cant help but feel that if she wanted to be with me she would be here now and I wouldn't be writing this.I hope someone makes sense of this and maybe give some advice for me but her as well if you can, thanks.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2009): I think you need some professional help here. It is not really healthy for you to be involved, in love, and in waiting for a girl in a co-dependent abusive relationship.
She has some pretty severe issues if she is hooked into her abuser. She has no other reason to stay with him other than her own dysfunction.
I am not a professional therapist, I am not an expert on codependency or abuse, but I can recognize it when it exists.
There is no way to "make sense" of this as it is based on a dysfunctional dynamic which most healthy people would not choose to stay in.
I think you should forget about what she says and move on with your life. I think that counseling or therapy would help you process your painful feelings over it.
You just had the unfortunate luck of falling for a woman who has MAJOR issues, it happens, don't stick around or you will end up as damaged as she is, trust me on this one.
Take care of you, love yourself first and foremost, you deserve better.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2009): What makes you think she will not go back to the other guy again, especially when she did it before. If you want to get back with her, tell her to cut off the ex. Thats what was messing with your relationship to begin with. If she refuses then end it. I would end it though, Because I wouldn't want to go back into a relationship that seemed like everything was working, but she decided to leave you anyways. When your in a relationship you try to make it work kind of what she was doing with her ex, and what shes doing with you. Your her rebound, her seconds to this relationship. You need to be her first priority, but I don't really see that happening her cut your losses and don't get back into something thats not working.
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