| A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: i have a wonderful relationship with this girl but didn't know she was attached, until she told me so when i confessed my feelings for her. but in the end she chose to break up with her bf of one year for me. i love her and it hurts me to see her crying over him. but she says she wants to be with me. but i don't understand if that's the case why she would want to continue to cry over him. is this normal? she says to give her time. how do i help her?
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male
reader, Steve169  +, writes (18 January 2007):
 I aggree with CD, you need to give her time to get over her old bf, give her space, you will just have to take things slightly slower with her than you might normally, I know from a similar experience if she's been with him for a year, then he will have become a regular part of her life and she needs to get used to him not being there.
It doesnt mean she doesnt want to be with you; she needs to get used to the new swing of things. In the meantime perhaps encourage her to go out with friends more. Also be careful not to smother her with attention but try and keep her happy and let her accept you gradually.
A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (18 January 2007):
 What your girl has done is flung herself headfirst from one relationship to another without giving herself time to grieve for the end of the last one. What would help her most, although I don't think this answer will be popular with you, would be to tell her that you're going to have a break from each other to give her time to get over her ex and decide if she really wants to be with you or not. It does have the possibility of driving her back towards her ex but if you love her you need to give her space to sort her head out. She can't do that while she's still with you.
CD
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