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*empster69
writes: I posted a question here the other day but things have changed a bit since.Im 20 and my gf is 17, we've been together for just under to years now (our anniversary would have been next month) and I'm her 1st love and proper boyfriend. When she was young she unfortunatly was raped so it has always meant so much more that she trusts me to have sex with her.Things have been going great untill this past month, since then we're not even talking now. We've argued slightly more but nothing to be concerned about then out of the blue she rings me and says she wants a 'break for a bit' to sort things out in her head.Apparently, I give her a week then she rings again saying that she doesnt want to be with me any more. She just wants to be single. I can completly accept that if that's what she truly wants, but that night I went over to hers so we could chat face to face. We sorted so many things out and she was really upset but this is when I get confused...We started kissing, nothing heavy just the type of kiss you do when you're only in love with someone. We cuddled for a few hours and it was so nice, I asked her what exactly she felt and she told me she still loves me and wants to be with me but just needs to be on her own for a while. I left after that and didn't hear from her til 2 days later when she rang me and started accusing me of getting with another girl (which I hadn't, the way I'm feeling at the moment I physically couldn't get with anyone else). I denied it obviously but she called me every name under the sun and just hung up on me. I now haven't heard from her in 5 days and really worried because there is nothing I can do about it. I know she loves me and I love her. I dont want to lose 2 of the best years of my life. My mind is a mess. All I can do is think about her and how she'sz getting on with her life and not even thinking about me. I feel so low and really dont know whatt I'm gonna do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2005): Hi there sweety. She sounds like she really needs to sort her feelings out. id she ever go for counselling after the rape or did she just try to forget it ever happened? If she did go to see someone then perhaps she could do with going back to try to sort out her emotional well being. Rape is a very traumatic thing to happen to anyone and unless you can really get those thoughts and feelings dealt with they can keep cropping up time and again for many years.I think that her accusing you of going with someone else is either her way of keeping you from being hurt or her way of testing you. Don`t forget that all her trust and confidence was taken from her in a most brutal and abbusive way. It wasn`t just her body that was violated it was her mind and spirit too.All you can really do is to try to be there when she needs you, whether it is a shoulder for her to cry on or someone to pour her heart out to. Make it as obvious to her as you can that there is no other woman in your life. Take your time with her and don`t rush her into making her mind up. If she won`t speak to you, write her a letter and put all your feeling for her in it let her know that no matter what you will be there whenever she needs someone.I really hope this is of some help for you .Take care and the very best of luck.My thoughts are with you both.
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