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male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Before i even ask these ?'s I feel like I know the answers, but sometimes my own insecurities and self destructive behavior cloud my thinking and I just want some non-attached opinions and thoughts. I'll make it as short as possible. We live about 40 minutes apart now, lived in same town when we met, and after I moved we got together a few times and started talking all the time almost immediately. I have been in many relationships and was even engaged once and the only reason I'm trying to save this one is I have never felt a connection to someone like this before and it sure seems that she feels the same way towards me(when we're together). Basically, when we're together she talks about a future with me and a guy can just tell when your the only one around to a girl and thats the feeling I get with her, I kind of feel blindsided cuz it came out of nowhere. But, she has a tendecy to break plans last minute w/me (alot), lets say 7-10 times. A few times I let it go called her the next day, we'd hang out and have a great time. But the other times I wouldn't call her for a week, sometimes more, all I really wanted was once, just once, for her to call me and say I'm really sorry let me make it up to you. Hasn't happened yet. With the distance and both busy with work spending time together during the week really doesnt work out for either of us. At this point after about 6 months or so I am completely lost at why their are weekends that go by where we don't hang out. I will be the first to tell you that I should call her more. Also at play here, one of her good friends that she is always with on the weekends and my roomate got together once and it didnt end nicely and I think that really hurts me with her not coming over. Lately I've pretty much felt like the backup in case nothing better comes along. Anyways, this weekend I went home to my parents to visit them and we end up hanging out all night and having a great time and everything, but part of me kinda feels like maybe I should let this go. I just don't want 5 years to go by and always keep thinking what if, ya know? um, for the last month or so everytime I ask her to come over or hang out the most common response is anything but a yes, always some double talk but never a no. Am i being stupid for still trying to hang out, or am i reading too much into this whole thing? Is it wrong for me to ask her if she is playing games with me? How can i ask that without seeming like a loser or whatever? I have never been in a position before that I wanted a relationship with a girl and couldn't tell if she did? what are some signs? Is it wrong to ask her if she wants a relationship? I wasn't even going to mention this but I will just in case some of you think it matters, she isn't from this country and has only been here about a year. thanks in advance.
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male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (22 May 2007):
 How do you know she is playing game with you?
If she calls you last minute to cancel plans without apologising that is a good sign.
Sounds to me you are the back up guy, and as soon as something more interesting comes up, you are out.
She is not interested in a relationship with you. She just hangs out with you until something better comes along.
Find someone else. You are wasting your time with her.
It does not matter if she likes you, becuase she has ZERO respect for you.
-FBK
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2007): Hello there. You are not a loser, she just does not sound ready to comit. You could ask her, but the fact that she is being elusive is a definate sign. There is no reason why you should not be friends. Perhaps you could seem more unavailable? You could say something like there is a girl you want to ask out and ask for her advice on how to do it. See what she says and how she reacts. You could use her advice on her! I can see you really like her, so I hope you can be friends if nothing else, but don't stop looking for other nice girls.
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