A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Two very good friends of mine are married, I have been married for 10yrs but seperated from my wife 18months ago. The sister of my female friend comes out with us regulary she is 34, I have had feelings for this girl for 6 months, and she seems to blow hot and cold, sometimes I feel like she likes me the same way others she just a mate. I have asked her out on dates and she is usually busy or tired, however we have been out just the two of us. We have held hands, hugged and kissed on lips(not passionate) regulary. I am feeling depressed cos feel i am getting closer to this girl, but no cigar, I am scared of telling her how I really feel because of my friendship with her sister and husband. This last weekend I overheard she got of with anotha guy, this has made me feel really down. how do I get through this, love really hurts, I have never felt like this about a girl in my life!!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou for your advice I had not looked at it that way before
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2007): Dear, can you really blame her? ChiRaven hit the nail on the head. You are not available to date! You need to start dating only when the divorce papers are signed. Until then, you're still legally married to your wife, like it or not. No single, self-respecting, intelligent female who has a good head on her shoulders would date a 'separated' man. It's like asking for a bomb to 'blow up' her life. Many vindictive wives can get their attorneys to use anyone you date, as a 'patsy' for building a good case of adultry. Things can get ugly, can't they? What decent woman wants to be parts of that drama? I know when I was single a few years back, I never dated a 'separated man'..they were off limits, in my books--too much emotional undecisiveness, guilt, and unfinished baggage, dear. A lot of separated guys date other females as a rebound proving to himself and perhaps his estranged spouse, that he can date others. This is clearly a situation where a man needs validation from other women. In effect he is dating for self-serving reasons. Have you ever considered that this female you like, is thinking this way about you? Why don't you prove your validity and honorable intentions to her, first. Divorce your wife, take care of problems and then when the divorce is finalized, ask her out on an official date. I don't care if you love and adore this other female.. you can state that all you want. But talk is cheap and nowadays, women discern a man's character, based on his actions. Just remember that...get that divorce...then date her. Good luck, dear
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A
male
reader, ChiRaven  +, writes (17 April 2007):
 First, remember you're still married. A lot of women (quite sensibly) simply do NOT get involved with guys who are still married. So the first thing I'd advise is either sh*t or get off the pot with your wife. If it's over, get it over with. If it's not, then get back to her and stop messing around like you're a single guy. You're NOT!
Once you've gotten that little detail out of the way, maybe this situation with the other woman will resolve itself. It's not at all unusual for a single woman to be really interested in a guy, but to be unwilling to get with him until she knows for sure that he is really available.
If that doesn't do the trick, you're going to have to start a regular campaign to try to convince this woman that you are seriously interested in her, and to get her interested in you. How do you do that? Well, you already know this woman, so it's just a matter of getting her to notice you in a new way. There are lots of moves that a man can take that will make it very clear to a woman that he wants a closer relationship with her. If she wants that too (or will come to want that over time) then the two of you can get together.
You should be ready for the outside possibility, though, that she will never see you as anything more than a good friend in the end. Sad, but sometimes it happens.
But DO start by clearing out the remains of your old life before you go trying to start a new one. It's just not fair to your prospective partners to have the specter of a previous wife hanging over their heads as they date you.
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