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male
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anonymous
writes: My fiance and I have been together for 3.5 years and for the 1st time in her life she is pregnant, weve had our ups and downs but we have a good relationship, anyway we talked about having a child awhile back and decided no. She went off the pill for insurance purposes and now she is blaming me because I want intimacy more often and she ended up pregnant, we normaly have a well rounded situation, but now I feel it is turning to more resentment towards me, we are not going to keep the baby but what can I say to comfort herplease adviseThanks eric
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male
reader, Mr Ian  +, writes (17 August 2006):
 I agree with Dr Psych. She is probably lashing out at the nearest thing because she is trying to cover up a bigger problem. Yes sex is a two way thing and both parties have as much responsibility for each other, however being the main man in her life and being strong for her is the best thing you can do, understanding perhaps yes she does need alone time to gather feelings. Saying you support whatever she decides is probably the best option - hopefully in the long run getting through something like this will bring the both of you closer together. good luck
A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (13 August 2006):
 Having an abortion is never an easy decision and she probably feels under pressure right now - she needs counselling to make a decision about this. She is just a bit scared and lashing out at the nearest target...which is you. It is easier to blame you for the pregnancy than accept mutual responsibility for what has happened. I would just give her some space to sort out her own feelings about the pregnancy etc - that is where counselling comes into it. Lots of long-term relationships have some serious issues sooner or later - unwanted pregnancy, financial problems, ex's causing problems, health scares or whatever it happens to be. How you deal with these issues as a couple is a good reflection on the long-term health of your relationship.
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