A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:As of recently my girlfriend and i have had a problem with being intimate (lack of sex , no prolonged kissing etc..) , when we talk about it , she says its the fact that she has no sexual desire whatsoever , because she says she doesnt feel sexy because she is overweight ,and her self image of herself is very bad. We have confrontations about this almost everyday , mostly brought up by me , she says i am not being understanding of her situation , but i feel like i can say the same thing about her . I would like to know what to do , am i not acknowlidging her problem , am i being overly dramatic , i need help with this because weve reached the point that our relationship is in danger . thank you in advance
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2007): Firstly you should tell her that she is sexy, beautiful etc because by agreeing with her when she says that she feels unsexy is not going to make her want to kiss you or have sex with you. By giving her compliments you are making her feel better about herself and the intimacy between the two of you will increase. Isn't that what you want?
A
female
reader, Reebe  +, writes (27 March 2007):
 I think so many women can relate to this. Also because she knows you want sex and she doesn't have the confidence to, will make her feel guilty and alot worse.
You do need to resolve this. There are a couple of ways you could help, because the fact that she has admitted how she is feeling is her way of asking you to help and be understanding, I know it's frustrating for you, but it will be worth it in the long run!
Firstly reasure her that you still find her attractive, don't make it obvious something like "your hair looks great today" or "you look really good in that dress"
Give her lots of hugs and kisses without it leading to sex, you need to build up her confidence and for her to know that touching and feeling doesn't mean sex.
Ask her - gently - if you could do somethings together, like swimming, bike riding some thing fun and enjoyable or something else you culd both do together, if you can help her in anyway, because you want her to be happy with herself.
If you stick to gentle reasurrance and try to help her lose some weight, she will begin to feel good about herself which hopefully will make your relationship better and stronger.
Good Luck!
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A
male
reader, Dagwood  +, writes (27 March 2007):
 Hi. You're right if you continue this way your relationship will be in danger. Intimacy and sex are a very important part of any couple and the lack of it will lead to a platonic relationship with two unfulfilled, unhappy people! If you love her and you want the relationship to succeed you need to slowly build up her self esteem and confidence by treating her very gently and kindly, telling her you understand how she feels about herself but her looks are not what are the most important to you. You fell in love with her, the person and not the outer image. Tell her about all the good things she does and why she makes you happy. Start doing more activities, like walking, together. Go to the movies and hold her hand. To get intimate again start very slowly… share some secrects, tickle her back while watching TV or offer to give her a back rub… tell her you love her. Let her do the same for you. Do this a few time a day before moving onto more intimate touching. Hopefully this will get things back on track and she’ll feel better about herself and maybe even loose some weight! I hope things work out. Take care.
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