A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello, am new to this and I hope someone can give me some advice. A year ago I joined a dating website and in the first day a girl sent me a message. We talked every night for many hours on the phone and the web. She then drove 200 miles to see me after 2 weeks and she is so pretty. I have to say we fell for each other pretty fast. After 3 months we decided it will be best if I moved 200 miles to be with her as she lived in a nice seaside town. So I left my job, my home and my friends and moved. Within 3 weeks she started getting angry every 2 weeks over little things, that then got to getting me to sleep in the spare room when she got like that. She thought that I wasnt there for her but I did everything she wanted as much as I could and I got a really good job. Anyways 2 days before christmas she attacked me and then called the police so I got to spend the night in jail. I had to go back home for 2 weeks then and when I went back she cried and said she is sorry. It turned out she has depression, she was abused when she was young and her ex died from HIV. I was surprised by all that but I promised her that we will get through it and she thanked me becuase no one ever before stayed with her to the end. She said she is always had to do things for herself. Anyways a month later she came back and said she is moving out the next day and I didnt have any choice but to move to a shared house as I couldnt afford the place. She said she didnt want to be with me in the same place. 2 days later everything was fine and a week later she was sorry for leaving the flat and me. Two weeks after that she was planning to move with me into the shared house and I said to her to put off for few weeks to get everything sorted. 4 weeks ago she got so angry with me after we had a good weekend the weekend before and since then she has said some really painful things to me despite that all I have been doing is telling her how much I care and how much I love her and that everything is going to be ok. She blames me for everything wrong that has happened to her and for her depression when all I did is tried to help her. The other day I sent her a text message during the day and she replied saying xxxx off I have a bad man between my xxxx. I replied by saying thanks for that speak soon. Toady I was walking in the town centre and she was outside a bar with a really big (as overweight) bald old man. I would say he is in his late 40s at least and she is 2 years older than at 32. I said hi to her and she said she was busy so I left and I saw her laugh. I dont know if thats her new boyfriend. I havent slept well in 4 weeks, I have lost 10kgs in weight as I cant stop thinking about her and how much I miss her. I never like this before and we had so many plans an hopes for the future. Sorry if this is too long but we can I do to get her back or shall I try to forget about her?Thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey guys, thanks for the answers so far. Back in the end of February she came back one day and decided she is moving out in the morning and left me to pay the rent on my own. I had to move out too to a shared house after that because it was too expensive for me. Anyways we still carried on and she got some help and medication but she has been off work for few weeks now ith depression which she blames for.
A
male
reader, ChiRaven  +, writes (10 April 2007):
 This lady has serious mental health issues. Unless she is seeing a qualified clinician (psychiatrist or other M.D.) regularly and is 100% compliant on taking her prescribed medications, she is NOT somebody that you want to take a chance on.
It sounds like she is not getting any help at all right now. If that's the case, it's time to back off and stay clear until she is willing to recognize that her behavior needs some serious professional assistance. You can tell her that, but DON'T get back with her on any terms until you see that she is making serious progress (at least a month 100% on meds) in that direction.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2007): Hi,
I feel saddened by all the mixed messages your girlfriend has been sending you. I think she hasn't treated you fairly at all and is enjoying the agony she is putting you through. Especially as you cannot work out if you are still together. For your own sanity i think it would be best to take some control back, and to move away from living together, so you have mental and physical space away from her self destructive antics. I do not think your girlfriend wants to behave in this way but i feel she may be expressing anger towards you that is unfounded, and may originate from another incident in her past. Has she had abusive relationships with parents, or partners in the past? I would advice that you try and get her to talk to you on neytral ground, she owes you that. If she is willing she may be able to acknowledge the way she has behaved has been erratic, i feel if their is a future then she will need to acknowledge she needs some counselling to work through why she has behaved in a manner that upset you, and then maybe, maybe their could be hope. But only if she acknowledges there is a problem, and only if you feel you have the personal resources to cope with the demands of such an emotionally charged relationship. i fear for your mental and physical well-being and feel you owe it to yourself to cut ties unless she is willing to act responsibly with your heart. hope this helps, take care R
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