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male
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anonymous
writes: I went out with my girlfriend the other night and we got chatting to a couple of guys whilst we were out, we ended up going to a club with them and I saw one of the guys come out of the toilet walk up to my gf and kiss her. I hit the guy a few times b4 being carried out by bouncers. I rang her that night (very angry) and TOLD her to come home(wouldn't be shovanistic enogh to TELL her to do anything usually).She sounded scared (used to have a violent bf) and said she would stay at a friends house, I said I knew she was going home with him. She said she would call me tomorrow and turned her phone off.Recently she has told me that a couple of other guys had tried to kiss her and that she had pushed them away (without me asking her this) and I really thought she was trying to be honest with me.Since this happened she has said that she has kissed a couple of guys when she has been out with her mates and got drunk.She swears that although she went home with the guy she didnt have sex with him, stayed in his spare room because she was scared to come home . I believe her about this but am still so hurt that she could kiss a guy like that and that it has happened before.PLEASE HELP ME. I love her but cannot trust her. She has said that she will not go out drinking anymore and will never do this again.I'm not sure I want a girlfriend who doesn't have a social life of her own, but I can't trust her to have one at the moment.I am not sure if I will take her back but the final teist in the tail is that about a month after going out with her, I cheated on her (had sex on holiday), she doesn't know but have done nothing since (2 yr relationship).Finally, I really do believe that she has never done anything more than kiss a guy, she is very flirty when drunk and is not very ascertive, i think it has been more a case of her not being able to say no or cause confrontation when approached but don't think this would go further than kissing. HELP HELP HELP
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drunk, flirt, kissing, on holiday, violent Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the replies and all were taken in, I have decided to give it another go but have asked that she change her sim card as part of the deal (no guys numbers on there). She (reluctently) agreed and we have seen eachother a few times since. She's not as possessive as she used to be, something which i always thought i wanted when i trusted her. But now i've made it clear that I don't trust her and it will take time to rebuild that and i feel that were drifting apart. I really want to be with her and we have a holiday booked soon, she says she wants to be with me but we have started arguing over nothing and she has somehow turned this round on me like i have done something wrong.
I dont want to loose her but can see it happening.
Q am I just being a pussy here and holding on to something that was or is it worth sticking it out for a while to see if things work out.
Last q i promise and thanks for all your help so far.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the replies and all were taken in, I have decided to give it another go but have asked that she change her sim card as part of the deal (no guys numbers on there). She (reluctently) agreed and we have seen eachother a few times since. She's not as possessive as she used to be, something which i always thought i wanted when i trusted her. But now i've made it clear that I don't trust her and it will take time to rebuild that and i feel that were drifting apart.
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A
female
reader, Hopeful +, writes (29 March 2006):
 I think there are far too many lies, mind games, lack of trust and guilt in this relationship for it to be one that is happy and successful.
Don't feel guilty because of her past but don't feel obligated to trust her either.
If you can't trust her, perhaps it is time to move on.
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A
female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (28 March 2006):
 You had EVERY right to be angry with her, so dont let her use the *you frighten me 'cos of what happened before' because (and I know this will upset some readers on here) that is a plain, old-fashioned COP-OUT! I truly believe your gf is taking you for a ride, and if she were a mate of mine I would tell her so. Why do you want to be with somebody who does this soprt of thing IN FRONT OF YOU? If she does it whilst you are there, what does she do behing your back.....do you want to be played for a fool?
You ahve guilt about what you did right at the beginning of your relationshgip. Lose that. Do you honestly believe that makes it ok for you to take this sort of behaviour from a girl you love after 2 years together?
Come on, be a man. See this for what it is. She goes home with a guy SHE DOESNT KNOW and stays with him (mmmmm, how much danger is she putting herself in there then?) instead of coming home to you. C'mon! Why? Because she says she is scared of you....
I really believe from what you have said that she is up to stuff and it doesnt take a genius to work it out. Stop being blinded by love and get out before she destroys your self-esteem.
x
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A
female
reader, bodylotion +, writes (28 March 2006):
 She was possibly drunk when this happened at the pub.I also relise that she stayed at this persons house has she was scared how you would react.You really should be glad that she addmitted to you about the other men trying to kiss her.You also knew that she had a bad ex partner who use to be violent towards her which puts you in a bad position as you ahould no not to worry her.What do you expect?I think you should just leave this and forget about it as it was an accident and she has appologised.
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A
female
reader, Floppy +, writes (28 March 2006):
 Hello,
Your girlfriend by the sounds of it, likes the attention. You should have a good talk with her and tell her how you feel. If you can not trust her anymore then you and her aren't right. If you feel you want to carry on being a couple then you will have to learn to turst her again, because a relationship without trust will not work. However, when you cheated on your girlfriend, you should have told her, keeping secrets is not wise and if she ever found out that you have managed to keep someone so intimate from her then she won't forgive you. My advice for this time only, don't tell her or it will mess up your relationship, but in the future, don't keep things from her. Good luck!
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