A
female
age
41-50,
*lacid360
writes:Ok, so my sister (30ish) met a guy (30ish) on a two week business trip. They had a couple of brief encounters but it was essentially a friendship.Anyway she has recently found out that she is pregnant. The guy has a girlfriend of a year and a half who he claims to love and is about to ask her to marry him.This is how he responded to the pregnancy:Said he would do the right thing by my sister.Changed his mind and told her to abortTried to make out that he was not the fatherTried to claim that she isn't pregnantSuggested that he would have nothing to do with the baby if se went through with itDemanded to go to doctor's appointment but when one was set up he declined to attend.Emotionally blackmailing and pressuring her to abortBlaming her for potentially ruining his life.Ok, he is doing all of this because he knows that if his girlfriend find out, she will surely leave him.My dilemma, my sister's health is being affected by all of the pressure that he is putting on her. She is in the first trimester (critical times) and he has made her life absolute hell.I feel that enough is enough and the only way that he will back off and behave more rationally is if the girlfriend knows what is going on.Also I believe as a woman (or anyone really) she should be able to make an informed choice as to whether or not to marry this man, given that he is a cheat and irresponsible father (the signs are pointing that way).Shall I tell the girlfriend?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2009): did your sister not hear of contraception?? or did she think she could trap this man by having an unwanted baby in the hope that he will leave his gf for her. seems like this affair bet your sister and this slimeball was just a sex thing. your sister has to take some ACCOUNTABILITY for her role in this affair. yes the man is sh1t, he has the evidence presented to him and he knows he is busted. his gf, if she had any sense will leave him immediately when she finds out. there are only 2 victims here. the unbore child and this mans girlfriend. you sister needs to make a choice, she is obviously not ready to have an unwanted child. she may use this kid as bait and seems like there is just too much of drama. i feel sorry for her. obviously this has not worked the way she thought it would. in any event why does she even want to keep this baby? i know you want to support her and that you love her but something has to give. this child should not be a pawn.please talk to her about the pros and cons of terminating this preganancy. why does she really want to keep it? tell her to be realistic and he needs to realise that this man is not going to support this kid (only when forced to by the law) .why would she even consider having a piece of this man. will she resent this child as it grows. she may be emotional right now but when it is born, will she see it as a burden or what?? unwanted pregnancies need hard questions and equally truthful answers.as for letting the gf know. nothing is stopping you. but why do you want to hurt her. yes she deserves to know that her bf was sleeping around. but your sister is not an innocent bystander in this affair. this gf's life will be turned upside down and she will be hurt. yes, better she finds out what a slimeball her bf is but think about her pain. it will be ten fold than that of what your sister is feeling. after all this woman is innocent. whatever happens both your sister and this man messed up. they knew what they were doing. so although you want to protect her, please see this situation realistically. asi said only 2 innocent people here- the unborn kid and the gf.
A
female
reader, QuirkLady  +, writes (20 September 2009):
 It's not your place to get involved in his relationship, so forget that idea.
I suggest that your sister talk to a lawyer and let everything be handled that way. Child support, visitation, whatever. The dude has proven that he isn't going to be voted #1 Dad, so don't give him any openings to inflict any more pain. All lawyer, all the time.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2009): This guy is a jerk.
I would advise your sister not to have any communication with him until he agrees to be supportive. If he doesn't then get a restraining order out against him and take him to the cleaners and expose him to the girlfriend.
He deserves to be castrated for all that he has done!
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A
female
reader, busy04 +, writes (20 September 2009):
 I completely understand how you feel, but I don't believe that it is your place to tell his girlfriend anything. The matter at hand is honestly between your sister, the boyfriend & the girlfriend(on his account)- NOT YOU. If your sister wanted to go about dealing with it that way, then she would on her own. I take it that shes not, so you shouldn't either because in all of this wrongdoing-it's the right thing to do. Let her(the g/f) find about it when he gets served for court/child support.
The most that you need to do is to continue to support your sister in whatever choice she makes & be there FOR HER. She has to be the one to file child support or whatever else she wants to do concerning this. I agree with Code Warrior that she should get a restraining order against him for now, as what he's doing to her is causing stress & isn't good for the baby or her. But let your SISTER make these choices! I know how hard it must be to watch her go through this and the hurt you feel for her, but through all of it SHE has to deal with it in her OWN way...just give her your devoted support. It isn't wise to involve yourself with it more than what you already are.
I wish you the best, I'll keep your sister in my prayers & hope that she makes the right choices and I hope that jerk of a man gets billed for 10,000 a month in support :)
Best wishes!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2009): hell yes lol. I would. Although i have never been in this situation. I would also contact a lawyer or someone. He has to give her money for having his child. He can't just say no. Make sure he doesn't leave the country or anything. Tell her to ignore him completely. Make up her mind and if she wants it, then tell him shes having it and break contact until the child is born. Also make sure he knows you can sue him if anything happens to her or the baby due to his tormenting. So either way he will be taken to court, need to pay them money and his girlfriend would find out.
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