A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey, so I'm 24 but pretty new to dating in general - I came out of a long-term relationship with my (thus far only) boyfriend back in September last year and only recently felt ready to start dating.In any case, I've been seeing some for the last couple of months who I quite like - we met online but have a lot of mutual friends. In any case, it's been a couple of months dating now but I'm quite lost as to what's going on.Whenever we see each other we have a great time together and generally stay out for hours - but we tend to only see each other once a week or so (we're both generally very busy) and barely text or communicate at all between dates. We might have a brief conversation but then not text for two or three days/he won't reply to me - yet he seems to always beat me to it when suggesting another date, holds my hand on the date etc etc. I've also met quite a few of his friends and in fact met them in the first couple of weeks.Sorry for all the detail - basically, just, like he's clearly interested in me and in many ways it's good for me that I'm not in any intense relationship right now, that it's steady, but also I'm not sure if it's heading anywhere and I'm a bit confused. How do I have 'the conversation' when in fact I don't see him all that much, and kind of all I really want is to see him more? Basically not sure what I'm asking him - shall I just go along with this as it is and see where it goes, or ask now what he's thinking? Any general advice would be much appreciated! Thank youuu
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2018): If you're both working and/or students; maybe all the time you really have is on weekends. Why don't you take him out to dinner during the week, or plan a nice dinner at your place?
If you can't cook, find-out what's his favorite carry-out restaurant and plan a movie night together. Don't always leave it up to him to plan every outing or get-together. Have a game-night, or go to the gym and workout together. Get more cozy and familiar. Learn more about each other; so he can focus more on who you are and become more acquainted with your personality. Make suggestions on fun things to do.
Learn what he likes to do other than bars or clubs. If you want more time together, you have to ask. Don't come across too needy. Be confident and don't be surprised or disappointed if he doesn't seem to want more time. Then there's your answer.
You have to get to know each others schedules and compromise on spending time together. Don't expect too much too soon.
He may not be looking for a relationship or long-term dating. He may only like a night-out with you now and then. So you have to determine if he really wants more time alone together; and decide for yourself if that's enough.
If he seems eager for a dinner-date or movie-night, just the two of you; that means he likes to spend time together, not just have you tag-along with him and his friends. Time alone allows you to communicate without a lot of distractions and interruptions from people pulling him to the left or right.
Don't expect too much from a bar-fly or party-boy!
Just hanging-out at clubs or pubs isn't allowing you to make a romantic-connection. Do different things together. Plan dates doing things other than running with a crowd or drinking. Make sure to mingle a few of your friends into the circle; so he gets to know more about your taste in companionship. Maintain just a little mystique. That keeps him curious and interested.
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