A
female
age
41-50,
*heffink
writes:I don't know what to make of all this? I've been working with this guy for almost 3 months. We get along very well and started chatting immediately. There is definitely chemistry although recently when it's just the 2 of us it feels a bit nerve wracking and there's been a few awkward silences. Over the past few weeks there has been more flirting and occasionally getting to know each other. He gazes into my eyes and we both make extended eye contact. Like we both hold the gaze. It feels like I wouldn't make that kind of eye contact with just a friend. When I went away for 4 days he acted weird when I returned. Like totally quiet. It felt like he missed me. After a while we started talking like normal. And then the other day it was my birthday and colleagues arranged a surprise cake. This is the usual thing. So there's cake, everyone has coffee and chats. With others he has always come over and taken part. When I walked in today everyone sang happy birthday and then we all made some small talk. I noticed this guy didn't leave his desk. I felt a bit disappointed that he didn't wish me happy birthday. It felt like he didn't want to be part of my day. I took some cake over to him and he said happy birthday and I said why didn't you come over. He said "I love you" isn't that enough? He has said that he loves me a few times before, sometimes I think he's being playful and then sometimes it feels like he does actually mean it. The fact he was quiet on my birthday upset me a little. In the past few days he's been a little flirty and then sometimes quiet. One day I needed some help at work and he rushed over to my desk. He was so close to me I could smell him. I liked how happy he was to help me. I think he liked being so close.The confusing thing is the fact that we see each other at work everyday. He definitely isn't a friend and I would hate him to ignore me. The distance thing when he's quiet just drives me mad even though he always does speak eventually. Shall I make a move or see if he tries to do anything? Just as background information I'm British and he's a local guy. I'm working in Turkey. Sometimes I think he's a little insecure, even though he has no reason to be. He's well travelled and we have a lot in common. He's an academic and very bright.Thanks would love some advice. My head is in circles (-_-)
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2014): It's tricky bringing romance into the workplace.
People are watching you; maybe even your boss. The guy keeps dropping hints, but I think they're a bunch of crap.
He likes your attention, and he maybe toying with you. He may even have a girlfriend; but playing on your feelings to get you primed-up for fun on the side. Be very very cautious!
Another suggestion. Stay in the neutral-zone, and let him make the moves "while at the office." So if things get a little weird, no one can refute any complaint you may have to submit; if he steps out of line, or makes an inappropriate advance. You still want his professional respect; as well as respect for you as a woman.
So far, it's been pretty safe. Harmless flirtations. Just keep it low-key when others are around.
Watch-out for spy-cameras monitoring office behavior and productivity. Large corporations install them for security and liability reasons as well. In public, you're on your time; and can openly flirt and determine what's up.
Never ever let the word "love" manipulate you. Players throw that word out to get single-women looking for it all excited and giddy. It's bait to see how eager you are to get it.
My advice is to turn the heat down at work. The most important thing is to find out if he's single. Office flirtations can cause a lot of problems. It gets awkward, you could be cited for sexual-harassment; or you might discover he is married, or has a girlfriend. That would make you look foolish in-front of your co-workers. Don't forget the boss.
If you see him in the parking lot, maybe you could invite him out for "coffee." Have a talk "away" from the eyes of nosy office snoops and gossips. Find out if he is actually single. Maybe he will tell you upon your invitation, if he is already involved. Then quickly withdraw the invitation if he is.
I feel uncomfortable about him telling you he "loves" you, and how you're taking it. It could make you vulnerable to underhanded tactics.
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