A
female
age
26-29,
*hhhhh...
writes:OK. I'm a 15, and a girl, and this is the first time I've ever tried to explain this to anyone. I've been attracted to boys for as long as I've been old enough to think about love. Thing is, I've recently started being attracted to girls. I'm not sure when I realised, but I think it might have before the summer holiday. I was 14 then, and I remember looking through a clothes catalogue, getting to the female swimwear section and being completely transfixed!That lead to a horrible holiday abroad (for me, anyway, my family loved it), as I was extremely uncomfortable with the idea of being gay; I'd never really thought about it before. I saw so many gorgeous, tanned women lounging around my the pool in revealing bikinis, and I couldn't stop looking. But at the same time, I felt disgusted with myself for thinking that way.I haven't told anyone how I feel, and I don't think I could if I tried. I often wonder how my family and friends would react if I told them I was gay or bisexual, and I want to cry. They would probably be OK with it, but it would take a while to get their head around it, with my mum especially. Whenever I think about how to tell them, I get a horrible panicky feeling like I'm dirty or I've done something wrong. I'm still in a stage of not being able to accept myself. I have some days where I totally hate myself I think I still find boys hot, but maybe that's just because I want myself to. They're quite attractive, just not as attractive as girls. I keep telling myself it's just a phase, and please don't tell me that I'm young and hormonal and it will change, but I'm almost certain I'm not straight, whether that means that I'm bisexual or a lesbian. I'm really scared that I am either of them, because of the prejudice and hatred that all LGBT people experience in their lives.I'm not really sure what I'm asking for with this, as I know that the only person who can determine my sexuality is myself. I just want to feel like I have support, or at least somewhere that I can let my feelings out - because it's not going to be to my mum any time soon.Thanks for taking the time to read this, and hopefully reply (nicely please, I'm fragile)! :)
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female
reader, Shhhhh... +, writes (15 December 2010):
Shhhhh... is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you! That's some really good advice, I never thought about making it sound like a rumour, and one of the main things that I worry about is how people will react when I come out... I'll probably do this in the future, but I don't think I'm ready to yet, as I'm still not comfortable with myself. I hope I'll have the courage to tell someone soon!
Thanks again for your support, and good luck to you too! I hope everything goes well with coming out to more people (especially family), and well done for being braver than me! :) x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2010): you know, i'm exactly the same.
same age. same kinda time realising.
but i told a few of my friends and they honestly did not mind one bit, and they aren't what you call open minded.
just try to figure yourself out, then if you really want to.. tell one or two of your friends and see how it goes. if it goes bad, at least you only told a couple of people and can make it seem like a rumour if it all goes wrong :)
good luck x
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A
female
reader, Shhhhh... +, writes (5 December 2010):
Shhhhh... is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks so much, it's lovely to know that people out there care! Thank you!! :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2010): its perfectly normal to be bisexual or gay. many people think there is something wrong with it, but you cant help the way you feel. Im staight, so i cant say i understand your situation, but i want to say that not all people will reject you because of it. start with an online support group, then maybe try telling a close friend. i hope this helps :)
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