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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I'm a 29 year old male, and have been thinking about how relationships change after marriage. Maybe you can share from your experiences? I am particularly concerned with the fact the few couples that I have discussed with have told me their sexual life reduced to one contact every 1-2 months or every 2 weeks in the happiest case? What am I to think? Is the tenderness burried with the daily stress inevitably after a while?? Those of you who have been married, how do you see this and can you recount from your experiences? Thank you!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2008): Have been married 23 years...to be honest, sex is fine. Better in the past 5 years than the first 5 years. I don't know what is wrong with some of these people who complain about lack of sex after marriage. That has never happened to us. You know a womans'sex drive gets stronger and stronger with age (usually), so that is good for us men!
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (25 May 2008):
 Things change after marriage. Life gets in the way and things become more complicated. That doesn't mean bad, just different. I do think one of the biggest struggles is that wives become mothers. I think the maternal instinct takes over and husbands lose some ground.
I've been married 22 years. In my experience, I became frustrated because I felt left out. What is important is to never forget what brought you together in the first place. You must keep your partnership sacred. You must make time for each other. You must remember that all the silly romantic things you did when dating are still important.
She must remember that she knew you were attracted to her. She must remember that you did desire her sexually and that you continue to feel that way. Men don't change so much that way. We are basic when it comes to sex.
It is very easy to begin to take our partners for granted. We see them every day and expect they will always be there. Contentment breeds monotony though and we fall into traps. We begin to think our partners don't need to have their egos stroked because "thy just know" you love them. Be careful, if yo don't take the time to make your partner feel special, someone else will.
I also think that it should be easier for the person with the lower sex drive to increase their desire. If they like sex occasionally and it feels good, it should be easier to accept more. It is just difficult to make time when we become busy and one of the first things to go. That is a big mistake.
Make it a priority from the beginning. Have date nights and naughty weekends away. Spoil yourselves with each other. Be daring and try new things. Be open minded and comfortable with your partner. Be willing to listen and have fun. Saying no is very easy and can be frustrating for the person who wanted the sex.
Finally, in most cases, it is the woman who controls the sex. It is very important they do not use sex as a weapon or a form of punishment. It is frustrating for a man when he feels powerless. He wants to believe that you actually desire him and thin about sex too. Men do not want to have sex with women who are not enthusiastic. Understand that your man desires you and that is a compliment. Many women see it as a bother as opposed to the flattery it is.
Ironically, the very things we consider to be a bother from our partners while married, meaning sex, would be welcomed when we began dating a new person. Don't let it ever die and avoid the problem.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (25 May 2008):
 Ok, I'm 60-years-old, have been married three times - one for over 20 years - and there were also long-term live in girlfriends. So maybe I have some input if you could appreciate an older viewpoint from someone who still thinks like a horny 30-year-old. LOL
In marriage, or any long term relationship, it is inevitable that something called "familiarity" will affect the sexual lives of a couple. Folks naturally tend to settle into a "routine" that stems from earlier sessions of sexual excitement, but anything can become so "routine" that it eventually loses the edge.
From experience, I would suggest that the sexual activities between a couple should evolve - trying new things over a period of time - in order to maintain some element of surprise and ensure satisfaction. And remember that "variety" is the spice of life. Sexually, that may include oral activities, but the most important thing is to "spend time exploring pleasures" and always continue seeking to please your partner.
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A
female
reader, Fiona xxx  +, writes (24 May 2008):
 When you are married and see each other every day; it is easy to get cought up with everyday things. For example the food shopping, mowing the lawn.....
I think everybody is different, but once a week is ok.
If you are reducing to once every couple of months, then that is symptomatic of ill-health with one or both of you, or you are not getting on at that point.
Unless you are in this situation I guess you will be fine.
You have to keep the spark alive, and make plans for outings and even when you stay home, make it special.
For example sex is more likely if you have watched a DVD and shared a bottle of wine, than it is mid-week, when you have work the next day. Same if you have been out, for a meal or anything you enjoy together.
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