A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:i recently started a new job which i love the man who was head of my department was selected to train me, after only a month he started to put his arm around me, and make sexuall remarks, this has now delveloped into him groping my bottom, and also today he did it when my husband was near by which he was aware of. I don,t know how to handle the situation my other people i work with all treat it as a joke, and so did i at first, but now it has become very annoying, i don,t want to upset anyone or get anyone into trouble, there is one lady at work who i confided in as she is shocked by hie behaviour could you advise me what would be best to do, he is 20 years older than me and is married himself, i dont want to leave a job that i love.can you help thanks
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female
reader, Susan Strict +, writes (6 June 2008):
 I agree with Waz on this one.
Although he probably deserves a good slap or worse, you don't want to ruin the job that you love or cause trouble if it can be avoided.
I think that before you even start the "Perv Alert!" or similar, you could put it to him very simply:
"Look. I really don't like being touched. At all. OK?" followed by a meaningful stare. That ought to be all it takes for him to get the message loud and clear. If you're unlucky enough for him to conveniently forget (as some men will) then a sharp "I told you I don't like you touching me!" should do the trick nicely.
Good luck. And reverts to plan B (Waz's) or plan C (everyone else's - cause major trouble) if it doesn't work.
A
female
reader, Twirly +, writes (6 June 2008):
 PS you say your husband also works there, have you told him? xx
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (4 June 2008):
 I agree with other posters. Complain very loudly and publicly about him and he will stop.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2008): turn his sorry ass in! don't let one get away with that type of disrespect !
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2008): Do what my mother advised me to do. If a man ever touches you inappropriately without your permission then take the flat of your hand and slap him as hard as you can around the face. This will make sure that he and everybody gets the message that what he's doing is not right.
Then tell him if he ever touches you again, not only will you tell your husband who will come and beat him to a pulp, you will also tell his wife and you will tell his bosses and get him fired for sexual harrassment.
Don't put up with bad behaviour, you'll only encourage him to act worse.
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A
female
reader, Twirly +, writes (4 June 2008):
Wow what a creep! Do as the other posters suggest and then sue him!
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (3 June 2008):
 Hi,
if it is a big company go straight to HR department. He will be lucky to survive the day as 99.99% of companies do not want to be on the receiving end of a harrasment claim.
Alternatively, you can do what my wife did at work. When a manager pinched her bum she followed him to his desk and told him loudly ( so that everyone in the office could here ) that if he touched her again she would call the police. He never did it again.
He is a predator a man who relies on women to be weak when confronted with his lurid behaviour, if you call him out on it he will fold.
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A
male
reader, PeterPan  +, writes (3 June 2008):
 How large is the company you work for? The reason I ask is most large companies have HR departments and clearly defined policies on sexual harassment problems/issues. Usually, they'll instruct you to speak to the person and have them stop the behavior. If that doesn't do it, then you can speak with an HR rep that will handle it. Large companies take it seriously because it could easily build into a lawsuit against the company.
There's also no reason for you not to speak with HR directly and have them speak with this individual without involving you (and you can even say that he was observed by somebody in the department being a little too friendly with the ladies in your area -- not implicating you personally).
So, I would start like that and see if that helps to resolve the issue.
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