A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Okay cupids, I need your help! Is sexual attraction important in a relationship? I mean, we should all fancy our boyfriends/girlfriends/husbands/wives, yes? Isn't that what attracted us to them in the first place?! I was with my ex boyfriend for three and a half years, I fancied him at first but the attraction disappeared two years into the relationship and I don't know why... Maybe it was because I realised we weren't right for each other? But he was a lovely man, we had our arguments, yes, but who doesn't? My friends thought he was controlling because he would call and ask what I'm up to... But he'd always end the call with "have a nice time" or "see you when you get home" so I thought he was just calling me to see how I was, I didn't find that controlling, and it was quite nice to have a man call me to see how I am as I had been single for two years previous. However, my current boyfriend is the opposite, he rarely calls or texts and when we aren't together, it's like he's a different person, we hardly talk... But when we are together, we have an amazing time and I fancy him like crazy, our sex life is amazing too! Just lately I've been thinking... I fancy my current boyfriend like crazy, but no matter how much I tell him I want him to show he cares a little more, it never happens. I never once had to ask my ex boyfriend to show me he cared because he always did...My ex has recently been in touch and has asked if we could try again and I am tempted to say yes because of the lack of love and care I feel from my current boyfriend, but can I get back with my ex if I don't fancy him even though he shows he cares about me more?I realise it may sound like I am stringing both these guys along but I'm really not, I care about them both.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 March 2015):
 Funny the way so many posters feel that they must choose between two evils.
Like, going shopping for shoes and wondering, shall I buy the pair which pinches my heels, or the pair that pinches my toes ?...
What about neither ?...
With your current bf you feel unloved and uncared for, maybe you aren't really, but alas no matter how many times you told him WHAT you need for feeling cared about, .. he just won't provide it. So, even if he cares about you- he cares in a way that's not right for you.
The ex- is an ex for a reason, isn't he ? had he been so fabulous you would not have broken up. Plus, you just don't fancy him, and, if you can bring yourself to be intimate with someone whom you have lost all attraction for, for the sake of having him call you and tell you " how was your day "- jeez, I don't even know if this is more BRAVE or more foolish ; have your mom, or your best friend, do that daily call. Tell them straight : I feel a bit lonely and vulnerable these days, I need you to call me and ask about my day. You'll get the same result without having to give your body to someone your body does not want.
From what you say, neither is a good fit. Lucky for you , there are other men in the planet, why does it have to be just one of these two. Or, why can't you choose being single over being with a man who does not make you happy .
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (23 March 2015):
 Don't go back to an ex. THERE really WAS a good reason you left him.
It's not really fair to have the same expectation of #2 as you got from #1.
THEY are two different people.
#1 showed affection by communications.
#2 shows affection through intimacy.
YOU can also CALL your BF. It's not a guy's job to check up on the GF. Make the calls short and sweet. It might even inspire him to call you more often.
And TELL your BF that you NEED more verbal affirmation from him, he might understand that better. He might not.
My guess is... neither of these two guys are right for you.
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