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writes: Me and my girlfriend will be at seven months on Friday. We have never had sex, but done a lot of fooling around. Now she has told me that she really wants to do it with me, and is planning on doing so very soon. Her biggest concern is that there will be strings attached, like fighting and such. We have gone through the whole love thing, and are crazy about each other. Both of us are virgins, so what could these "strings" possibly be? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2006): I concur with Dazzerg, she is worried about what will happen "after" you both have sex. From my standpoint it seems your she's laying out her expectations of what she wants from you, in the committment sense. She's letting you know that she is taking this 'first-time' sex thing, seriously. Give her some form of reassurances if sex is to come into the picture and really be honest and genuine. It sounds like you love her very much, but do it anyways. Women nowadays, are more wary and understand the complexities of low-commitment relationships than a lot of men do and I respect your gf's values. She simply letting you know she wants to raise this relationship to a higher standard because she does love you- but she really values herself and what she's giving to you. Just remember, love is a choice and one must respect it. Sound like you both are on the right track. Good luck and the best to you both.
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reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (22 February 2006):
 I think you need to ask her but I am wondering if sex is a by-word for greater commitment here. Obviously it is the physical consumation of an already existing emotional bond.
Alot of significance is also on the first-time. It is a once in a lifetime occurance. In many ways it is a greater commitment than sex later on because of its uniqueness as an 'occasion'.
She seems scared to me that after this things will fall apart. I think maybe you should reassure her of how you feel and also that sex won't change anything; it is just an enhancement of what you already have. Plan together so it is special. Have a relaxing romantic evening together, sprinkle the bed with rose petals. Hope that helps.
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