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male
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anonymous
writes: I've been with my girlfriend for 2 months. I'm 17 and she is 16. I've only just realised I dont want to be with her in that sort of way, but I feel guilty about ending it, as she lost her virginity to me. Is there any easy way to call it off or cushion the blow?P.S. According to a mutual friend she wanted to call it off a little time ago but she was too afraid. I need to end it without hurting her too much.Can you help by giving me any advice? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (22 February 2006):
 Breaking up is never an easy job, not if you have any sensitivity, but you can do it gently.
Remind yourself that staying with someone that you don't really care for is doing neither of you any favours. You're only prolonging the pain, and keeping each of you from going out with people you might be more attracted to.
So, try to be brief. Don't lay blame. Don't mince words by mouthing hokey lines like, "It's not you, it's me", because that doesn't really say anything. State what you need to and be sincere. Finally, don't make promises you're unlikely to keep, like "Oh yeah, we'll stay best friends!"
Tell her that you're sorry to hurt her, but as much as you've enjoyed her company, you've realised that you don't feel for her in a romantic way, and that it's unfair to both of you to continue together, so you have to stop seeing each other.
No one can force you to continue being her boyfriend, so once you've said something like this, it's pretty much over. Just be as kind as you can, and don't tell lies. Not even little ones "to make her feel better", because lies can come back to bite you.
Good luck.
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