A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I just met someone , and we started having sex very fast. He is much younger and very good looking, and I know that it won't last long. It's funny how invites me to lunches and drinks, I didn't even expect this. I thought it would be something like just sex. But he is actually sweet and funny. I am not in love. The age difference is ridiculous, heis almost 20 years younger, just after college. Despite how much I love his body and every part of it, I am having a little hard time with him in bed. He is not that great of a kisser. He actually doesn't use his tongue much, and it's not really a kiss, unless I took initiative. He just gently basically pets my lips with his. Also he has large penis. And let me tell you this guy lasts forever. He can change 4 condoms during one intercourse, because he stops for some reason. and I think he has a hard time reaching orgazmYesterday we went to the beach and has sex right there, it was around 2 Ina morning. I was exhausted and really wanted to get some sleep. We started kissing, and he was very passionate, and than he started touching me there with his finger and then very roughly went inside of me with his fingers , so rough that I screamed. He tought it was a scream of pleasure but it was not.I told him that I am hurting, and he stopped. Then he went inside of me with his penis, and o, my god it was non stop for an hour. I can't orgazm from intercourse, I still enjoy the process though. But one hour?! I asked him to finish, he asked if I was done, I even lied and said yes. He still didn't finish. He said heis happy that I had my pleasure. And then we went home. He stayed over, holding me In his arms, he is very sweet and gentle. I woke up in a morning so sore that when I went to the bathroom to pee, I couldn't believe how swollen and burned I was down there. Even when I washed myself I could hardly touch myself, it was raw and burning. When I came back to bed, he was awake and so hard, and I knew he wants to do it again. I told him,sweety, I am hurting down there, can we do it tomorrow because I need to recover. He said, ok, but then he had a face of a hurt child, and we did it again. He didn't last that long this time, but again it was another 20 minutes. At that point I was agonizing, and when I went to the bathroom I was bleeding. He left, but he said he is going for a trip for a few days on Tuesday, and he deffinitely wants to spend a nite with me. So, it's tomorrow. Now my condition is that I can't even touch or wipe myself downthere. I never had anyone like him before. His ability to last forever really hurt me. Also he never gives me oral, ony fingers o there, but loves when I give him oral very much. I don't know what to do. He is a sweet and beatifull boy, and I really want to keep having sex with him, but I don't know how to move him In a right direction. If he doesn't like oral that's fine, he can do it just touching me there. He does it very rough and I can't orgazm like that And intercourse itself is so exhausting for me only because of its length. Any advices?
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female
reader, Scotlass65 +, writes (9 August 2013):
 You should really go and see your gp, rough sex causes cystitis, I know because I'm in the same situation my boyfriend is 29 and I am 48, best just talk it over with him and ask him to be more gentle, maybe a little more foreplay would help too to get yourself a bit more wet as sometimes this could be the problem too
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2013): OP he kind of sounds cool about all this you know?
OP FYI, you're the more mature partner here, regardless of experience you are kind of expected to speak up. You have to be his guide here OP and teach him to be a good/great lover. He doesn't sound like the type of guy who is going to throw his toys out of the pram because you let him know how important giving great head is or showing him exactly how your clitoris needs to be stimulated.
OP the idea that he hurts you is not one that will sit well with him so you have to ensure you show him your sexual ropes.
When you're healed you go on top, you be the dominant one and you show him the motion that works for you. Guide his hand or masturbate in front of him and show him which buttons do what.
Let him know that oral and general foreplay is important to you and show him how. Return the favour, have some fun. Ask him what he likes and experiment with new positions.
OP you can guide this guy without seeming like a teacher (unless of course you want to role play that) the way it always worked for me with young partners and I've had many was to make it an adventurous exploration, weird and awesome positions, watching each other masturbate, using ice on the clitoris eating food off each other. You know, making it fun. Plus you can communicate a lot through dirty talk. "I love it when a guy laps up my pussy like a thirsty dog while gently sticking two fingers into my juicy pussy." You get the idea.
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (21 May 2013):
 Ok...you wouldn't say 'I'm in a good mood' when you're in pain. I meant that one in general. In this case you could have said 'Good, because I'm in pain and I don't need the extra headache.'If he enjoys sex and sees that sulking prevents sex, he will spend less time sulking. Make sense?
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female
reader, Ciar +, writes (21 May 2013):
'sweety, I am hurting down there, can we do it tomorrow because I need to recover'.......You sound like you're trying to coax a four year into eating his peas.
If he's old enough to attend college, drink alcohol and have sex then he is a man. Treat him that way and he will act like one.
You don't give in to sex when you are in pain. If he sulks, ignore it. If it's hard to ignore, ask him what's wrong. If he says 'nothing' you say 'Good. Then put a smile on your face because I'm in a good mood and I don't want anything spoiling it.' If he can't do that, you send him home (or you go home). He will get over it eventually and be a better man for it because he will have learned that women don't exist for him.
I have a male friend in his 50's and when he was about your guy's age and in university, he too had an older, more experienced woman as a lover. She took charge and taught him a great deal, to the benefit of both (as did the girlfriends who followed). He's been forever grateful and still speaks highly of her.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2013): OP, I'm betting that the gender disparity in terms of advice to drop him or work with him is due to the fact that none of the male posters have ever experienced being banged till they bled from their genitals. Just saying. I've been there, and I worked with the guy on it, but only because I was already in a committed relationship with him when it became an issue. I would never continue to seek out painful casual sex.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2013): This is OP. thank you all for your opinions, what was interesting for me to read that men advice me to talk to him, but women to just drop him. Really, just drop him? I guess women who advised me to drop him are very young, and don't know what it is to be a single 40 years old busy woman who doesn't get to meet handsome 23 years old guys very often, who in a addition is sweet and fun to be with. While its a sexual relationship, it's not just pure sex and nothing else. Though I understand that it will pass soon because of our enormous age difference, I really want to enjoy him as long as it lasts. Cerebrus, you right, I am the one who needs to tell him and speak up. But also despite my "old" age I didn't have many partners in my life. I married very young, and we divorced as soon as my daughter went off to college. After that may be a few encounters that didn't really lasted long. Of course I had probably more sex in my life than my young lover did only because I had more years to do it, but it was one partner, and frankly it was the same thing all the time. I can try the no drinking rule before sex, but condoms need to stay. He is young, who knows what he does when he is not with me, I need to protect myself. He already called me in a morning and I told him that I can't possible have sex with him as I am still hurting really bad. He was so apologetic, and said, no problem, he just wants to come anyway and hang out, and also may be we can do something else sex wise. I also thought that may be its me also that makes me dry there after half an hour. My excitement goes away when it lasts so long, I get really tired. I don't know , may be its different for other women? But for me it was always like that. I cando foreplay much longer than actuall intercourse, and unfortunatelly my young lover doesn't do foreplay that long.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2013): Oh and if the reason you won't talk to him is because you're afraid of hurting his feelings then that's what you get for dating little boys, and yes even guys your age can be "little boys". Don't waste your time on ones who can't take you telling them what you need without them throwing a hissy fit.
Go to a gyn OP and get checked for damage, you may not actually be able to have sex for a while in order to heal. So your choice again is easy, protect yourself and have a mutually beneficial sex life, or just lay there like a dead horse while he damages you beyond use and potentially ruins your sexual function permanently.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2013): OP first off if your dates involve alcohol then that's probably why he can't cum and probably why he's so rough, that and the fact he's young and inexperienced.
OP you need to just talk to him, teach him and stop being a pushover about this and I honestly don't understand why you think it's better to have you vagina shredded and risk permanent injury if it hasn't happened already because you won't talk to him.
Now it sounds like you're already very damaged down there to the point where you really should go see a Gyn.
Op talk to him, he obviously cares enough about your pleasure to ask and is also so young and stupid that he needs to ask. So you have to teach him, you have openly talk to him about this and you have to communicate your needs.
You also have to stop letting him drink before you have sex, that plus condoms even for me make it very hard to cum.
I'll just never understand how a woman your age hasn't thought to actually just talk to him about all this. Instead you just let him stick his penis into your swollen damaged vagina instead. You let him rough you up and damage you and you won't show him how you actually like it?
Either do that or have fun visiting the A&E in the near future to be told you've lost function down there or are no permanently incontinent because you were too afraid to speak up.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2013): There are a few things you can do to slow things down a bit.First you need to sit down and talk and tell him that the sex can only continue if he is more considerate of your body. You don't have to be passive and let someone pound you like a flank steak. He is young and with that comes stamina. You need to find a good lubricant. Take a trip to the pharmacy and look for the new lubricants that are developed for both partners. Then take control. You are the recipient; therefore, you set the pace according to your level of comfort. I'm not sure why you lay there like a rape victim instead of stopping him at the moment of pain. He can only go as far as you allow him too. Stop acting like some inexperienced school girl. Choose a position of comfort. Pull away when he comes at you like a wild animal. Be more aggressive. Stop being so submissive.You can wear him down, if you assume some of the work.I note a little bit of bragging. I read not only what you write; but comprehend the underlying messages as well. It is wonderful that he is lovely to you; but you're not a punching bag. Sex is supposed to feel good, and a little pleasurable pain is a plus. You can tip the scale and be the dominant partner. You can take top position and angle your body so that he cannot use his weight to over-power you. However; you stop the act at any point he becomes selfish and painful.You don't have to kill the mood, just jerk your body completely away, and fold your arms across you body, only to allow him back when he returns gently and exhibits some control. You have to ask him to slow down or be gentle; or he is unaware of anyone's pleasure but his own.Sex is only good when both partners are pleased. You could be injured; if you continue to pretend you are a timid and fragile little creature. If you want to take on a young stud, you'll have to show him how to treat a lady.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2013): What can a poor guy like me say other than I am extremely jelous of your bf who seems to have everything a guy can desire,a large penis, lasting power, the stamina to go on for hours and obviously a very desirable girlfriend!!!
But seriously, I can only say that you should tell him in a very assertive way that he should be more careful because he is causing you pain.He seems still inexperienced in the ways of love. You should guide him to do the right things.Have fun!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2013): You say you still want to keep having sex with him but honestly, why?? It doesn't sound enjoyable at all, in fact it sounds pretty damn bad.
I understand that it may be fun and exciting to have a younger attractive man lusting after you but the bottom line is you're not enjoying the sex, he sounds pretty selfish in bed too, so my advice would be to end it or just keep getting used and hurt through meaningless sex. Being strong and ending it now on your own terms will be more empowering, more of an ego boost than sleeping with him ever will.
There's no way to make someone magically change the amount of time they take to finish or how rough they like it, It's an annoying fact but you need to face up to the fact that you're not at all compatible in bed,
Good luck
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2013): Honestly?
If you're only with him for the sex, and the sex is not good for you, I don't know what you're doing with this guy. Were I in your shoes, at this point I would probably stop seeing him and look for someone with whom I was more compatible physically. Sure you can try to teach this guy the right way to please you, but he's always going to be bigger than is comfortable for you, and frankly it seems like a lot of effort to go to for a casual sex partner. Good luck and best wishes :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2013): I used to be so sore down there when I have sex a lot with my boyfriend but he was not big down there he's the average size, it burns so bad when you tried to pee? Yeah even when you try to wash while you shower huh? He don't last more than 10 minutes but we had sex at least 5 times a day only on our days off work and once every other day cause I got high sex drive. I got no bloblem telling him I'm sore & bleeding down there & he understand that I needed to recover and the best thing to do is you need to get on birth control it's better than condom it helped for me or make sure your always wet down there by bying the gel thing for sex at walmart.... I never had sex more than 10 minutes at a time so I really don't know what you went through. You should tell him whats going on & he should respect it.
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