A
male
age
51-59,
*adToAsk
writes:I have been with my wife for 17 years. We have a good sexual relationship. Its not great but good. It seems to have become routine. She likes it a certain way and we always do the same thing. I feel like a robot. My question regarding our sex life is that she uses sex toys (Hitachi magic wand) to help stimulate herself while we have sex. Im o.k. with this but its always a give situation for me. If I want to watch an adult film to help stimulate me while were having sex she gets mad. She has watched them in the past but will become more robotic than before and act mad. I get constantly accused of looking at pornography but rarely ever do. I only want to watch it when were together. She feels it degrades her and she stated that she felt "dirty" when we have watched them in the past. I just dont know what to do. I feel Im giving more than she is and I dont know what to do. Any advise or am I totally wrong?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, HadToAsk +, writes (12 February 2009):
HadToAsk is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the replies. As a reply to "anonymous" We never have had an argument over this issue. Its probably not an issue at all to her. She seems completely satisfied with our sex life , but when I mentioned watching an adult film I did not mean daily , Ive asked for once a month. That did not work either. They do get her excited which is really what Im looking for. I dont feel threatened by the sex toys at all, Im just happy to be in there somewhere. I have been faithful to her since we met but I dont think that if the tables were turned and she was not satisfied that she would do the same.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2009): Do you need the pornography to stimulate yourself, it seems that she NEEDS her sex toys. If you can do without it, then I suggest that it's not worth the hassle of upsetting her. Stop arguments that aren't worth fighting. If the sex toys are really bothering you, then explain how unfair it is, and tell her that you'd like to try other things, and dump both the toys and the pornography in the bin and start to find new ways to connect and make love. Many women are threatened by pornography, many men by vibrators and toys. If it really isn't a big issue for you, then please leave the pornography alone. Think of something that she might prefer to do to give you the extra stimulation you need.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (12 February 2009):
My first reaction as a woman is "well porn is VERY different to just using a vibrator - she's clearly got a point."
Then I actually thought about it and her using a plastic penis can't be very nice for you. I know my husband is really not keen on sharing mine!
Have you talked to her about how her using her vibrator makes you feel?
The thing is that we all have boundaries. You may be ok with her using a vibrator, but she just may be anti porn. A lot of women are. Have a read about how many girls actually get advised to DUMP their guys for watching it at all!
Why not just avoid the whole issue by bringing a completely new angle to your sex life.
Why not try something completely new, no vibrators, no porn, just you and her.
There is a whole world of things to try from bondage to role play and beyond.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2009): I'm speaking for myself, but I would feel like I'm not enough to turn on my husband if he watched porn. But I can see where you're coming from because she's using a 'toy' instead of only wanting you.I think couples need to start acting out little fantasies to turn each other on. It doesn't have to be porn style, for instance, I was looking at my husband on his recliner and wondered how fun it would be to rock his world. Also, this is little, but if he put on a little gold chain on his neck during sex, I'd like it. What I'm trying to say is- can't we use our imaginations more to spice things up instead of turning to porn/toys...?
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