A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my husband for 6 yrs, married less than 1 yr. I'm never in the mood to have sex. I believe this is due to that fact I have been feeling down lately about my body as I've put on a few pounds. But I also don't find my husband sexy anymore and not sure why. My husband is getting frustrated with me and doesnt know what else to do motivate me to try to increase my self esteem, and want to have sex. Is there any advice you can give?
View related questions:
in the mood, self esteem Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2011): Odds is right about exercise, whatever you need to do to get motivated and do it just go ahead and do it.
Personally I find the gym a waste of money I could never get motivated to get up and go there and for some reason I don't like working out in front of other people.
I have a rowing machine at home which is great because I can sit in front of the TV while working out and I have weights to supplement it. I have to disagree with Odds on one thing though, don't focus on cardio. Work the entire body, using light weights, calisthenics or other form of resistance training as well as cardio. Strengthening the muscles won't build bulk if done right but it burns a huge amount of calories and makes the muscle better at burning fat.
Why do we recommend getting fit and healthy to help your sex life? Honestly OP I think the reasons are self explanatory but I'll break it down for you.
Firstly it will help with your body image issue which you deem to be a major factor in your unhappiness and loss of libido but the fact is an idle body loses a lot of it's desire.
Secondly having a strong healthy body improves literally everything, seriously every single physical activity becomes noticeably easier. From climbing stairs to opening bottles. When you feel fit and healthy you get a spring in your step because everything is easier to do.
Thirdly it is essential to mental well being, if Odds is a person who works out regularly then will no doubt agree but the power and pride you get from exercise is an awesome confidence booster and just makes you feel happier in general, the endorphins released by working out is a buzz and you feel like you can take on the world after it, plus it makes you horny as hell.
It should help with the attraction to your husband issue too OP, that sounds like it's just part of your loss of libido.
Go see your doctor first and discuss this issue, ask them if it's okay to start exercising, they literally are the best person to talk to about this whole thing.
One thing I want to say though OP, do exercise and do it regularly but don't set any targets, such as weight or doing a certain amount of exercise a week. Just do it to feel good and you'll never be disappointed by not reaching a dumb target that you set because you'll feel good from the first session.
A
male
reader, Odds  +, writes (24 March 2011):
 OK, two things to look at here.
1) Your body. Lose the extra pounds. Go on an exercise program. Join a gym, commit to going at a certain time. Bonus points for getting your husband to go to the same gym, especially if you do different workouts (you focus more on cardio while he does strength/bulk), since it will not only help you stay motivated, but let you see him getting his testosterone flowing.
2) Your attraction to him. Would I be correct in saying that you've "domesticated" him a bit since you first met? Or even since you were married? If so, that's common. For some reason women want to domesticate their men, then wonder why they're no longer as attracted.
If that's the case, you need to encourage him to act more like he did when you first were attractd to him. Something he did back then worked. Encourage him to get back into his old hobbies, to be more assertive and dominant in the relationship.
Whether he's changed or not, try to tease each other sometimes, banter back and forth more often. Make things more playful. Stop him before he goes to work and give him a ten or fifteen second kiss, so you'll be thinking about him and building up anticipation during the day.
Now, I'm not a doctor, but there could be some hormonal component to this as well. If you've only put on the weight recently, it might affect your hormones. If you've just gone on or gotten off the pill, or had a kid, that would also affect both your general horniness and your particular attraction to him. Look at anything that may have caused a hormonal change in your body and, if you think it's important, ask your doctor.
...............................
|
