A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:What do you make of this? My husband and I have been together for 10 years.. married for 7. We have 2 children. OK this is going to get kinda graphic.... so we recently went 18 months without having sex. If he ever wants it, it completely involves his own satisfaction and not mine, if you get my drift... he doesn't care if I am satisfied or not. He wants oral but won't reciprocate. He only cares if he "gets off". Then he rolls over and goes to sleep.I am a very giving wife... I give him anything he wants in bed. I rarely ask for anything in return, mostly because I feel like he doesn't want to but that he should want to reciprocate. I have been with several men who would do anything with me... but he, whether it is his upbringing or self esteem or whatever, wants to just get off and go to sleep. I am feeling very sexually unsatisfied..
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2011): Selfish people like him deserve to be alone forever.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2011): He is a selfish person and I'm sure selfish in other matters apart from sex. Some men are just like that no amount of counseling or talking will make him change. If he's been like this over the last 7 years or more then its more like a habit he's cultivated. I should know because my husband is the same thing. To say you're sexually frustrated is an understatement but how did you cope for 18 months without sex from both sides? Sadly but necessarily I had to look for it outside from an old flame and it was what I needed at that point in time. There's a limit to what anyone can bear and I had reached mine. This difficult choice is yours to make.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (18 November 2011):
 YOu've got yourself a very narcisstic and self-centered guy there. Too bad that HE doesn't know that if HE were to apend a little time and attention satisfying YOU... then his sex life would be infinitely more interesting and rewarding.....
I'm sorry to learn that he's like all the other 12-year-olds who feel that "sex" is all about getting his little pee-pee to feel good.... and he has no idea about making YOU feel good....
Good luck with you NEXT boyfriend/hubby. You deserve a better one... and I hope you find him soon....
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2011): Don't be snotty about it, as some here suggested.Talk is where the solution lies, and it has to be honest, open, and do not talk about your past lovers.Don't forget that last admonition, talk about past lovers is damaging, not helpful. Talk about what you would like, want, and need is not provided it is done lovingly.Usually would suggest a professional couples counselor to help with this, but you have to start by saying something to get there."OK this is going to get kinda graphic."Nothing you said is graphic, in the least, so this more likely than not is a dual issue, both of you are having intimacy issues and both of you have work to do.Talk about sex is horribly tense in most marriages, but most of the time the solutions are rather easy after people begin talking to each other. I didn't have any problems talking, but my wife had a horrible time opening up about sex. She had been abused and raped in the past, don't assume this didn't happen to your husband because it is terribly common, and talking about sex brought up those memories. But once she started talking it became easier for her over a few years.I've known more than one person who was abused, men and women, and they would just about kill themselves before they'd talk about it, and sadly one did. It can destroy normal sexual life.
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (18 November 2011):
 A virbrator??? I mean a vibrator :-)
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum +, writes (18 November 2011):
Get a virbrator and use it in front of him and when he wonders why tell him it's because it does for you the things he wont.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 November 2011):
 have you told your husband how you feel?
if not, you have to tell him..
if you say you can't tell him, why not?
are you afraid to tell him? why?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 November 2011):
 You need to talk to him, explain how you feel your exlife is very one-sided.
Does he by chance have trouble "performing" (as in lasting) and is his sex drive really low?
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