A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I have what feels to me like a pretty awkward question.I've tried researching online but can't find anything useful.I've been with my boyfriend on and off for two years now. He took my virginity and we've always been great together. Apart from one issue: sex! Although we both want to do it, sex seems like mission impossible. It hurts too much, and in the past it created a major strain on our relationship. As I was a virgin when I met him and he wasn't, I figured it was maybe something wrong with me.We then separated for six months as I left the country to go abroad where I had two other relationships, in which sex was never a problem and I always enjoyed it without pain or discomfort.Now were back together, the issue is back! I don't understand why, we have tried lube, different positions, and it's still uncomfortable for me. My boyfriend isn't particularly large either and this is what's confusing. Is there such a thing as just being sexually incompatible with someone? Please help, I'd love to hear other people's opinions as I have never spoken to anyone about this before. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, M Proops +, writes (5 January 2014):
Is he very large down there?does he have peyronie's affliction?what about his foreplay technique?are you fully lubricated and relaxed before penetration?There might be a fundamental incompatibility here.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2014): Yes that's very much a thing.
OP you're not naive and inexperienced, you've had multiple partners and know that it just doesn't work with this guy.
I have a curve on mine and in the wrong position I can hit the cervix and from what I've been told it's like being punched in the gut. Also with some women I'm too thick and no matter how aroused they are they feel like they're being split open. Size of the penis is not the only consideration, the size, shape and depth of a woman's vagina can also play a role.
It's not always a physical thing either, as ChiGirl points out there are emotional and mental aspects, but there are also a difference in styles too, or one person just being crap. I mean a guy who can't get a good rhythm, doesn't know how to use what he has or a woman who thrusts her hips off time etc.
In your case, you're just not a fit with this guy and unless you think a shitty sex life makes for a good relationship then you're going to have to move on. On and off for two years sounds like this is a shit "relationship" anyway. I don't know why you insist on banging your head against a wall, when it's obvious to perfect strangers on the internet that what you have is just unworkable.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (5 January 2014):
 Yes. There is such a thing as being sexually incompatible. More likely though, your on and off boyfriend and you just don't have the right chemistry. Hence why you are on and off. The sex reflects your chemistry, that's my thought. He could be selfish in the relationship, and as such would be selfish in bed, not listening to your movements, not paying attention to your needs...
Or, it could be a plain physical incompatibility, that his penis is curved in such a way that it brings discomfort. However, I've never come across this problem or heard about it from any of my friends. Usually, if the penis is bent in a specific way, all that means is that SOME positions would be uncomfortable, but that you'd be able to find other positions that work great. For example, an ex of mine had a penis with a pretty strong downward curve. It made doggy style sex painful, and almost impossible as well, since he couldn't enter me from behind due to the curve of the penis. But we had some of the best sex ever, because we found other positions that worked great.
The only times where sex has been bad, in my experience, is when the partner and I weren't compatible otherwise either. Such as with another ex: him not wanting it as often as I did, which would lead to friction between us because I always had to initiate and he was just half heartedly involved once we got it on. He didn't care as much about my pleasure, I repeatedly told him how I liked to be touched but he never did it anyway. He didn't focus on me in bed, it seems. He focused on his own comfort. Which lead to crappy sex. But he was like that in the rest of the relationship too, cared for himself, lied to me, put me down by name calling etc. The relationship as a whole reflects in the sex life. If the relationship is crap, then the sex will be like crap as well.
No offense to your relationship, but you've been off and on. And when the sex is bad too, I've got to ask, why do you keep on clinging to this guy? The signs are clear as day, this isn't the right man for you. The sexual incompatibility is just another scene where it is shown that you are incompatible in general. The dynamic is wrong, simply. You don't speak the same body language, and probably you don't get on very well in other areas either, as the sex in a relationship tends to be the indicator of general compatibility.
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A
male
reader, Gauntlet  +, writes (5 January 2014):
 OP: Is there such a thing as just being sexually incompatible with someone?
Answer: yes. Anyway, if your genitals work fine with other guys but not with him, it tells enough there is a (big) problem between you both. Why insisting ?
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