A
female
age
,
*veltegirl
writes:I began dating a man I've known for 30 years. He is my younger brother's friend and there is a six-year-age difference between us. He was off limits for the first three decades, but I figured what the heck we're in our forties why not give it a try. He came on to me like gangbusters professing a desire to be with me throughout the years. I gave it a shot. Let me mention that during those 30 years he always visited me and was very generous giving me things. We'd laugh and joke, even while I was dating other men. I never during those times had a desire to be with him although he is very attractive and was always considered a player.Well to make a long story short, he came by one day and one thing led to another and we dated for a while and then did the deed. I was uncomfortable after that and backed off after the first time, but he pursued me for six months. So I gave in again. He was very positive at first and prefaced sentences with "We're going to do this, we're going to do that." He did a lot of handyman things around the house and visited quite often (for about six months). I wasn't smitten in the traditional sense since I knew his MO, but the sex was fantastic so I took a chance and decided to put my cards on the table and tell him that I was looking for a relationship. I had a feeling that would bring things to a head so I ran with it. Well guess what? He did a complete about face and began to act really crass. He stopped kissing me hello (complaining about my lipstick), foreplay became almost non-existent, he started fights for no reason and after sex he would jump up and put his pants on and leave in about an hour or two. (During the six months he would mostly spend the night).The next to last straw was when he said he would return and never showed up. So I read him the riot act. The last straw was when he left me a voice message after the fact saying that he did not want a relationship and he told me this from the beginning (lie). I still continue to be his friend because, I guess, we probably made a mistake sexualizing things in the first place. I refuse to allow his bad behavior to affect our original friendship, and I continue to communicate with him, as does he, on a regular basis. I'm not about to have sex with him again (I'd rather bash my head on some concrete), but I am curious about his behavior. He calls me everyday for one thing or another. I always accommodate him like I used to, but we don't laugh and joke as much as we did before the sex, although I can because even though I do love him, I know a relationship is not in the cards. He’s toxic and I’ve dated his type before. He was the one who said he didn't want the sex to interfere with our friendship and I believe I'm honoring that. What gives? Can we ever go back to where we were? Before the sex?
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2010): no u can not get it back i was in a similar spot like that i knew this guy for 15yrs and we always had fun together but never dated he was the only guy in our group and we all wanted to test the water but we didnt because we didnt want it to effect our friendship. but guess what one night we thought we should all hang out for some reason i got mad at the fact that women where just throwing theirselves at him then he said wow they think we're together and what to take me from u so i was like do what it do, so he started kissing me tongue and all on the dance floor shocked the hell out of me. and boy could he kiss so we began talking about leaving the club and having sex which we did just that but on the ride to his house i told him that if this would effect our friendship that i didnt want to do it he said girl it's only sex i care alot about you so trust it wont so we did just that three times that night and once in the morning and it was great we told eacjh other how much we enjoyed each other but u know what we have not spoke since that day and it had been six months and i miss my friend he was one of my best friends
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