A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend and i have been dating for a year and 3 months now and the sex was great at the start of the relationship because i was a virgin. She brought a few kinky night dresses about 4 months in. It all fell apart about 8 months in. I found i had a much higher sex drive than my girlfriend, who would only really want sex about every 2-3 weeks. I still feel guilty for asking for it, which makes it even worse when i get turned down 9 out of 10 times. Since about 9 months she has asked me frequently how many times i masturbate and even looks through my page history every so often to see what i'm looking at. The costumes have long since disappeared and she has recently got me to buy her 2 vibrators because she wants to experiment more with them when we have sex. I have only used them once, which was the day of purchase, 3 weeks ago. I feel dissatisfied with the sex which rarely last that long (because of her, not me) and most of our fights revolve around me asking too much.Is there anything i can do to spice things up again?Does she feel satisfied with me?How do i get it more without asking for it?Please help!Thank you xxx
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2009): I can sympathise as I am in exactly the same situation. When you have to keep asking for it is just not the same anyway, I mean it kind of loses its appeal when she does not want it as well.
Whilst I am not saying the advice above is not worth trying I am quite sceptical. I tryed the being nice, compliments etc but it didn't make a bit of difference.
Advice on these sites from the fairer sex are quick to say you need to look out for her needs, but what about yours, who is looking after them? She certainly isn't.
I am not belittling the advice you have already been given, if you love your girlfriend you should give it every chance. But you may have to accept your sex drives are so imbalalanced, it may be a hard bridge to build. I mean you have only been going out 1 year and 3 months, believe me when you have been married for while and have children it won't get any better! Good luck & let us know how you go!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am always considerate, giving complements and trying to make her feel better about herself, because i know she is self conscious about her weight. I do all those things even if i don't want sex, i do them because i like to and i know she likes to feel appreciated.
Foreplay is always a big part of sex for me. I never force her to do anything she doesn't want to, this is why i don't do hand-jobs, blow-jobs etc.
But i always make sure i preheat the oven before i stick in the turkey.
She is also on the pill which is something i have not thought about for a long time. However, when she has gone off it for a month because of health reasons and what not. The only reason she ever wants it is because it's like a taboo and she needs the excitement more than a physiological response to the pill itself.
Thank you for you answer, you've really helped point out some important points :)
xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2009): First of all, it is normal, in any relationship, for sex to be more "exciting" and frequent in the beginning. It is also normal for a man's sex drive to be greater than a women's. These are not hard and fast rules, but they are the norm.I myself have gone through times when I wasn't that intersted in sex. It always comes down to some of the same things. If I don't feel good about myself, my own body image, I'm not going to be interested in sex. I don't know if this could be a problem for your girlfriend or not. Sometimes, when people become comfortable in a relationship they tend to put on a few pounds.Another possibility is that you aren't meeting her needs. I'm not talking about during sex, I'm talking about before. Foreplay is something that can take place all day, every day. Leave little notes, call her just to say hi and that you miss her. When you are near her, just give her a non-sexual hug and/or kiss. Rub her shoulders for a minute when she is near, run your fingers through her hair (hint......brushing a women's hair is a very intimate moment for women). Little, non-sexual touches add up. Give her compliments without any indication that you are saying them in the hopes of getting her in bed. Another possibility is birth control. Is your gf on b/c pills? Has she changed brands? She may need to discuss this with her dr. B/c pills can really decrease a women's sex drive.....kind of ironic isn't it. Also, try changing your view on the situation. Instead of trying to figure out how you can get more, try and focus on what your gf needs to feel sexy and desirable.
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