A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I lost my virginity to my boyfriend (who I am very much in love with) about 2 months ago. I obviously didn't know what to expect, but I know that something is lacking. Sex doesn't feel like I think it's supposed to feel. I like it, but mostly because I love feeling close to him. There is not that much physical sensation. I have definitely never had an orgasm, but I've also never (except briefly on one occasion) felt anything much during intercourse. I also have a hard time "getting lubricated". The biggest problem with this is my boyfriend feels that he is unable to please me and he is gradually losing interest in sex. He spends SO much time with foreplay and often time nothing happens and he feels like a failure. It kills me to see him so upset with himself. We've tried all kinds of different things and I'm getting worried something’s wrong with me. Why am I having this problem at my age!? Any advice?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2007): i started on birth control a few weeks after we started. i don't know if it's affected my sex drive or not.
A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (14 May 2007):
 There is nothing wrong with the best bit of sex being the 'feeling close to someone'. That really should be the best bit!
As for the rest, it just sounds like you are nervous and having trouble relaxing. The best thing you can do is try not to worry about it and just enjoy yourself. As you become less worried about your 'performance' you should gradually be able to relax more and be more in touch with your body. The less you think and worry about it the better it will get.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2007): Did you start a birth control pill before you started having sex? Some of them can affect your sex drive and your ability to orgasm. If you did, you might ask your doctor whether that could be a side effect, and just see if they can try you on a different one.
Did you ever do anything before sex? Are you able to have an orgasm *not* having sex? If not, you may just need to learn your body a little better.
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