A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm as much of a virgin as humanly possible, and I want to stay after marriage only. But I haven't even been on a date with anyone, much less even had a first kiss! This is a problem because underneath the 'good girl' act, I'm really hormonal, and I really want to, well, have sex. I dream about it all the time, and I think about it all the time. I'm starting to think there's something wrong with me! I just am insanely obsessed with sex. I'm good looking, so that's not why I can't get a date. My mom's usually the one who makes up some excuse why I can't go. My family's overprotective, and the choices in guys suck at my really small school. I kind of want to just figure out how to get a random hook up, and tell anyone close in age to meet me in my back yard for some fun. It goes against all my principles, but I really want it! but I'd probably regret it... what should I do? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2010): I think most people have these feelings at one time or another. Many of us in our teens.
The best thing you can do is just control yourself. Trust me, most teenage boys are at least as horny as you for 18 hours a day all year round and they still manage. Many of them cant or wont have sex until college or longer.
Okay so you've got a body with urges. that is part of growing up. Having more power means having more responsibility. If you can't wait until marriage then at least wait until you are in a comitted relationship with someone you trust (dating for a couple of months is not very long for a serious relationship.)
If you do something crazy now you will probably regret it. The majority of the girls I know that had sex in their teens say they wish they had waited longer, and most of them didn't even do anything like you are fantasizing about doing with total strangers. Its a fun fantasy to imagine but you won't like the results of acting it out.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2010): This is a tough one, and for what it's worth I completely understand your predicament. However, I think that if you was to have random sex with someone, you might regret it after. I know it doesn't seem likely when you are feeling really sexual and just want to DO it. But what if it wasn't all that great? I doubt it would have some earth shattering effect, so would it really be worth going against all your principles? I guess it really depends on what you feel is more important here.
Excuse me if I am getting a bit personal here, but if you don't masturbate, would that be something you would consider? That can help when you are feeling really sexual, once you have gotten it out of your system the obsessive desire for sex tends to ease for a while, and you can carry on with other things.
Otherwise, instead of viewing and experiencing these feelings as a torment, maybe you could try and look at it a bit differently. I mean, when I feel really sexual, I tend to feel more confident about myself, and have more energy. Those are positive things which I can appreciate and enjoy. So even though it can be difficult to cope with those urges, I try and focus on the positive aspects of them, rather than the negative feelings of having desires which are unfulfilled. That way, the feelings can work for you in a positive way, and you don't need to have sex or be with a guy in order to feel better about it.
Just some suggestions anyway. It is difficult, and can certainly take a lot of willpower! I hope something here helps though.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2010): Do not let your hormones get the upper hand.Wait until marriage. In the meanwhile, study and work.
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