A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:A few years ago my wife had a vaginal hysterectomy. We have not had intercouse since as it causes her so much pain. I have tried discussing this with her but she pretty much refuses. This has destroyed the intimacy that we once shared. I get the impression that I just need to deal with it. I do not like the idea of giving up sex at 45. What can I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2008): She has not been to a doctor about the pain. The original procedure was because of the results of a pap smear. The doctor wanted to do a cold cone knife biopsy and said he could remove the utereus at the same time. It was my wife's decision to go ahead and have it removed. I was with her in the doctor's office when she made the decision and supported her in it. Her ovaries were not removed so she did not have to go through hormone treatments.I will try to talk with her about it. The hard part with be to determine a way to approach so as this does not seem selfish.Thank you for your replies!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2008): Has she been to the doctor to discuss the pain? What were the reasons for the procedure? I am just wondering whether as well as some discomfort, she has a mental block not letting her get over it and therefore she has created such a big thing in her head that sex is just 'not an option' in her mind.
I would talk to her about it, explain that if it is painful then she needs to speak to a doctor to see what can be done but ensure her you are not suggesting this just so you can get your leg over - you want her to be okay and if she cant participate in the normal activities that come with being in a relationship then she needs to ask for help.
You are absolutely right neither of you should have to be giving up your sex life when you are only in your 40's - thats why she really needs to see someone.
Hope this helps.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2008): Ahhhh.....this is something that I do have experience with. After the birth of my second child, the epeaseotamy was done to tight, so sex became absolutely painful. I visited my OBGYN, and they did a procedure that stretched everything down south, and it helped a vast amount. Now, if it is hormonal, that can be fixed just as easily.....No one should have to do without sex!!!! I pray all works out well!
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